In news that will make you rethink your every-decision-you’ve-made-since-fucking-junior-high-school, the Daily Mail says there’s an now ex teacher’s assistant in Florida who is single handedly turning around her state’s reputation for bad decision making by dropping her boring TA job to drop her booty in a much more lucrative T&A career full time. Twenty two year old Jessica “Two First Names” Vanessa turned her sensible suits in for satin booty shorts and now bitch is getting PAID to twerk it (That’s why it’s called tWORKING bitches – Jessica). In related news, why the fuck did I take the colleges? I want a refund.
If you thought that Miley Cyrus killed twerking by humiliating it before setting fire to it and spinning out on its face with a camouflage paint jobbed 4-wheeler, watch the video and let Jessica’s mesmerizing ass moves restore your faith and take you up and away from that sadness. Her ass is like the Mozart of Twerk. It undulates, it goes back and forth, it goes up and down, side to side, and in and out. It’s the Hokey Pokey of ass. It’s part waterbed and part clacker and completely awesome.
Some people have tried slut shaming Jessica and girl, forget those jealous bitches. They’re just mad that they didn’t pick shaking it over Excel spreadsheets. Jessica says that she didn’t have to be an ex math teacher’s assistant to understand that 6 seconds of work > 4 months for the same pay. Thank you for making us all re-evaluate our careers and teaching us to understand that maximizing on our unique as(s)ets is the way to go.