I feel like I should be forwarding this picture of Avril Lavigne’s Duncan Hines Dildo-looking cake to Michael K with the subject line: “Would you hit it?“. For real though, why does that cake look like it was made by Buddy Valastro at Doc Johnsons? Is it just me? It looks like a giant factory defected cupcake fuck toy called “Sweet ‘Splosions“, right? Maybe it’s just me (and no, I wouldn’t hit it, because those gumballs look like they might catch on something).
On Saturday, the Manic Panic Pixie Dream Goblin turned 30-years-old, thus officially making her too old for this shit. And to celebrate, UsWeekly says she had a big birthday party at the Bellagio in Las Vegas surrounded by friends and other perpetual Hot Topic-humping emo teens. Except there was one less vinegar-scented bottle of human douche at the table – Avril’s estranged cocker spaniel-looking husband Chad Kroeger was NOT invited. Sorry Nickelback, no Bellagio buffet for you!
It makes sense that she wouldn’t invite Chad to her birthday party. First of all, they were only married for 14 months. Second, Avril can’t mack on 34-year-old Dickies-wearing pop punk hedgehogs when her ex-husband keeps coming up to her asking if she wants a fresh Rye & Dry (CC and ginger ale). Third, nobody wants to hear that dumb dingleberry growl-sing “Huuurrrrpy buuuurthdurrr terrrr yerrrrrr….“
But what was Chad doing instead? I dunno, probably at Château Shame crying and looking at photographs.
Here’s more of Avril arriving at the Bellagio for her 30th birthday party, and for the first time in her life she’s dressed her age, which also happens to look exactly like Amy Adams auditioning for a Real Housewives biopic.