Douche of all trades and professional gay baiter James Franco threw up this picture on Instagram today and showed everyone what it looks like when he takes a bottle of Sun-In, a straightening iron and L.A. Looks pomade to his hair (or what it looks like when he puts on a Martina Navratilova wig). Since James Franco is an artistic chameleon and only chooses roles that strengthen his title as the most avant-garde actor of our time and every time, I’m guessing that he slapped the blond into his hair to play Nick Carter in Lifetime’s Diary Of A Meth Face: The Aaron Carter Story. A cracked out albino turtle with a Dollar Tree spray tan will play Aaron.
James Franco with a bleached mop looks like Stuart Smalley’s estranged brother, Shane Smalley, who has been arrested several times for stealing the Silica gel packets from packs of beef jerky at Walmart (yes, Silica gel is his drug of choice, DUH) and was fired from his job as a janitor at Jiffy Lube after he got caught sticking his dick in the gas tank opening of a VW Jetta. The last time Stuart Smalley invited his brother over for iced tea and egg salad sandwiches, Shane Smalley stole half of his cardigan collection and sold it in a stoop sale for wine cooler money. Shane Smalley writes “boobs” as “bewbz” and he stills uses AOL chatrooms to pick up tricks. His AOL name is BlndeBoi88. He was born in 1978.
With all that being said, yes, yes, I’d hit it, because it’s the closest I’d ever get to doing Nick Carter circa 1999.
And here’s James Franco a little over a week ago at the NYC premiere of Child Of God with his live-in lover Scott Haze.