If the commercial for Quaker Oatmeal Swirlers has taught me anything, it’s that the only way to dress up a boring bowl of oatmeal is to throw a bunch of shit on it, which is why Kaley Glencoco decided to leave her yoga class in Studio City last night wearing a giant mess of Hobby Lobby-looking fake flowers on her head. I know silk flowers are the definition of budget, but those flowers are jacked. That crown couldn’t have cost any more than $2.99, and that’s including the gas it took to drive to the store and back (I guess she’s getting paid that $90 million in instalments). But I will say this: I am very happy to see that the handmade wreath that hung on my crafty-ass neighbour’s front door in the Spring of 1993 didn’t end up buried in her basement under a damp one-eyed mop doll and a box full of busted sand candles.
And if you live in California and woke up to the toxic smell of burning plastic, it was just the result of Lana Del Rey, Vanessa Hudgens, the ghost of Frida Kahlo, Ozma from Oz, Princess Paw Paw, and every hipster who attended Coachella in the past 3 years meeting behind the parking lot of an Urban Outfitters and collectively setting fire to their floral headbands to mark the official death of the flower headband trend.