If you were looking for a reason to be happy about Rosie O’Donnell going back to The View again, you found it. The news ruined Elisabeth Hasselcrack’s vacation and anything that ruins that rabid blonde hyena’s day can’t be wrong.
Elisabeth Hasselbeck is where she belongs, Fox News, and you’d think she wouldn’t have a care in the world since she’s frolicking around a conservative wonderland where’s she a Republican Christian princess who can make the people cheer by screaming for the demise of Obama and drunk moms. Elisabeth is living her dream, so why would give two shits about The View? But she does and she pressed pause on her vacation from Fox & Friends to call into her show and diarrhea out her feelings about her arch rival going back to The View and the she has a lot of feelings about it. Elisabeth says that Rosie has been planning her return to The View for a while and when all the pecking hens of The View, past and present, reunited for one of Barbara Walters’ last shows, Rosie told her that she organized the reunion. Elisabeth thinks that the reunion show wasn’t a “Bye Barbara” show it was a “Hello Rosie” show. HA. As Hasselcrack trashed Rosie over and over again, she clenched so hard that her ass cheeks almost fused themselves together.
“What could ruin a vacation more than to hear news like this? I know Rosie very well. We worked quite closely. Talk about not securing the border! Here in comes to The View the very woman who spit in the face of our military, spit in the face of her own network, and really in the face of a person who stood by her and had civilized debates for the time that she was there, coming back with a bunch of control ready to regain a seat at the View table. Not surprising. I think this has been in the works for a long time.
Anyone who is going to be in that seat – I think this is how it’s going to play out or already has – will have to be fully approved by Rosie. Now let’s not forget, Whoopi Goldberg is sitting there and Whoopi’s not going to let anybody control her. Whoopi has an EGOT and has more trophies in her case than Rosie. She’s the leader. It will be very interesting to see how that goes. I don’t think it would be wise for Rosie O’Donnell to challenge Whoopi Goldberg on anything. I really don’t. And I would also say that after years of being there, Rosie found out one thing about me: don’t mess with a pregnant mama and do not mess with our military when it comes to this girl sitting next to her. I do think this has been in the works a long, long time.”
Put an empty plastic water bottle under Elisabeth’s eyes and collect her angry tears, because her angry tears will make a good pick-me-up for when you’re feeling low. Elisabeth is really, really mad and she’s acting like her bitch brawl of words with Rosie happened ten minutes ago instead of ten thousand years ago. No one loves anything as much as Elisabeth loves hating on Rosie. I do feel a little sexual tension there. It’s as though Elisabeth gets off on raging against Rosie. Elisabeth’s husband was probably wondering why during the times he’s given her oral, she always screams through grit teeth, “That’s right, eat it, Rosie, eat it! Eat it, you dumb bitch! Eat it, Rosie! EAT IT! This is for our military! EAT IT!” It all makes sense now.