I never thought I’d live to see the day I’d have something in common with Lindsay Lohan (since I don’t inject my face with low-grade rubber cement and I haven’t fucked a Saudi businessmen for a stale bump of coke and half a pack of Parliaments) but I can completely relate to hearing the shameful words: “I’m sorry ma’am (they always rub salt in the wound by using “ma’am”) but your card was declined.” And trust me, I have been declined for amounts much, much lower than $300; so today, and only today, the Apricot Ashtray has my deepest sympathy.
According to Page Six, while shopping at Rag & Bone in Soho this weekend, Blohan shocked everyone in the store when she actually tried to pay for the clothes she wanted. However, her brilliant plan to try to be responsible backfired on her, because that broke bitch couldn’t find a credit card she hadn’t yet maxed out:
“Lindsay was trying to buy something for around $300 but her credit cards were declined. She looked really embarrassed and tried to negotiate before her friend finally stepped in and paid.”
Forget Oprah, bitch needs Suze Orman. It doesn’t matter how much she finds her truth or reaches for her light or whatever snake oil Oprah is selling these days, LiLo will be a professional freckled-faced fuck-up till the day she dies (which will be around 109, cause bitch is part-cockroach). Her life will always be a sticky mess, so why not get Suze Orman in there to gat least teach her how to manage it without going completely broke? “Lindsay, I see here that you spend $3,000 a month on Adderall, but if you switched to generic amphetamines, you could save nearly $900 a year and re-invest that money into a diverse portfolio of clear alcohols. And whenever you’re thinking about snorting coke residue off a dirty dick for $5, don’t forget to ask yourself: is this a need or a want?”