The Guinness World Record for the largest simultaneous dry heave was made two years ago when Will Smith told Architectural Digest that their 25,000 square foot mansion was designed with “no ends, to create an infinite cycle that represented what Jada and I hoped for our love.” More like that monster of a house was made with no budget, to create a symbol for their infinite egos.
Will and Jada Pinkett Smith spent years and zillions of dollars making the perfect little family home on 150 acres in the Santa Monica Mountains near Calabasas, CA. They told AD that every single thing in their house was handmade and they wanted it to be a spiritual retreat for their family. It looks more like a Cost Plus flagship showroom than a “spiritual retreat” to me, but I guess Will and Jada achieved their goal since you can hear the sounds of all the Gods silently weeping as you stroll the infinite halls in the middle of the night.
So after spending at least 4 years building their private little Temple of Xenu, Will and Jada are trying to sell it on the down low. The Real Estalker (via Curbed) says that the Smiths quietly listed their 150-acre compound for $42 million. The house has approximately a million bedrooms, a million bathrooms and a whole lot more. If you’re wondering if it has a black magic room where Will sticks pins into an “Aunt Viv #1“ voodoo doll, the answer is YES! If you’re wondering if it has a mirrored room where Jaden Smith perfects his “constipated smolder” face, the answer is YES! If you’re wondering if it has a circle jerk room, the answer is NO, because the entire house is one big giant circle jerk.
Curbed also says that Will and Jada recently sold their house in Hawaii for $20 million. So what does it all mean?! Here are some theories:
1. LIQUEFYING ASSETS: Bitches are doing it, because they’re getting a divorce.
2. While meditating in their meditation garden, they both realized that they really want to raise goats in Tibet, so they’re selling everything.
3. Their kids told them to sell it and any good Scientologist does what their kids say.
4. One day recently, Will and Jada actually ran into each other while walking through the house. This has never happened before and they never EVER want it to happen again, so they’re going to build a bigger mansion.
It’s totally #4.