Jason Segel was dating Michelle Williams, but then he covered himself in Elmer’s Glue and stuck his body to her body so they could always, always be together, forever. He was too clingy, so she pried him off and moved on. Cameron Diaz was humping on that Tesla billionaire whose name sounds like the mating scent of a rare donkey, but then I guess her chocha got bored, as it usually does, and she moved on. And now Jason is humping on Cameron (see: above, or maybe that’s a picture of him trying to Heimlich out her doody bubble).
Life & Style says that Jason and Cameron were “cozying” up to each other over dinner at Nick & Toni’s in the Hamptons last night. I never understood that getting “cozy” during dinner shit. When I’m at dinner, the only thing I want to get cozy with is my ravioli, but whatever.
Someone else saw them at Citarella in the Hamptons and wrote on Instagram, “They bought groceries and then drove off together.” I see that Cameron and Jason are copying Kaley Cuoco and Superman, because buying groceries and driving off together was THEIR thing.
Cameron and Jason did Bad Teacher together and they’re about to shoot a movie called Sex Tape together.
Jason Segel is supposedly duct tape and a clinger and probably cries when he pulls out, and Cameron is a proud slut with a free spirit snatch, so if this is true, it’s going to end well.