When Ellen Degeneres plucked Sophia Grace and her silent blonde cousin Rosie out of YouTube, threw mics in their hands and got them to interview celebrities on the red carpet, it made sense to me. Sophia Grace is one of those kids who likes to ask a million questions. We all have at least one in our family. I have a few and they always talk to me. I’m like that person who’s allergic to cats and as soon as they step into a house where cats live, the cats are all over them. They smell my fear. They’re always testing me at family parties and they always win. I’m that bitter old bitch guzzling down my white wine spritzer in a corner while looking like I don’t want to talk to anyone. They come after me and they don’t stop until they’ve won. It doesn’t take long. They ask question after question and they almost never pause for an answer and they never stop to breathe. “Why does your hair look like that? Why is your outfit so stupid? What are you drinking? Where’s your girlfriend? What is ‘gay’? Why are you grabbing that rope in the corner? Why are you tying it into a circle? Why are you putting that circle around your neck? Why are you standing on that chair? Why did you hang yourself? Why are your eyes turning into Xes? Why did you let your cup drop to the floor? Why aren’t you cleaning that up?”
8-year-old 10-year-old Sophia Grace is a master at asking questions and I figured she’d grow up to be a professional question asker and end up on The View in 2043. But now Sophia Grace’s career has taken a sharp left turn into a movie screen near your.
According to Playbill, Sophia Grace’s uncle tweeted that she won the role of Little Red Riding Hood in Disney’s big-screen version of Sondheim’s Into the Woods directed by Rob Marshall. A few days ago, Sophia Grace’s father promised his Twitter followers that big news was coming. Into the Woods starts shooting next month and it stars Meryl Streep as the Witch, Johnny Depp as the Wolf, James Corden as the Baker, Emily Blunt as the Baker’s wife, Anna Kendrick as Cinderella, Chris Pine as Cinderella’s Prince, Billy Magnussen as Rapunzel’s Prince, Christine Baranaski as Cinderella’s Stepmother, Gavroche from the Les Mis movie as Jack and Tracey Ullman as Jack’s mother.
In the stage version of Into the Woods, Little Red is played by a teenager or a young woman and there’s some sexual shit between her and the Wolf. So since Disney cast
an 8-year-old a 10-year-old opposite a 50-year-old, I’m guessing that Disney is totally Disney-fying their version and scrubbing all the sexual undertones out. Although, if Pedobear is a producer and they really want Chris Hansen to pop out from behind a tree in the middle of their scene, they’ll keep the sexual undertones in.
And since Disney is well on their way to Disney-fying the hell out of Into the Woods, they might as well go all the way and replace Little Red’s song with this:
UPDATE: Sophia Grace’s reps (she has those) confirmed that this is true. She is playing Little Red in Into the Woods. HONEY BOO BOO WAS ROBBED!