Why The Devil Loves Anal By Former Gay Porn Star Joseph Sciambra
Joseph Sciambra is a former "gay porn star" and I put that in quotes, because I'd like to think I've seen a lot of gay porn and I've never seen Joseph Sciambra before. I guess he'd have to bend over and wiggle his stitched up sphincter for me to recognize him. Joseph used to be a butt sex-loving porn star and his ass canal was a birthing slide for demon entities, but now he's a Christian and speaks out against the dark-sidedness of ass sex on his website (which is a treasure in itself).
While sitting in what looks like the gift shop at The Holy Land Experience, Joseph tells us that butt holes were not designed to eat penises (Side note to Joseph: Try telling that to my b-hole.) and he believe he birthed out a demon through his ass. I don't think that was a demon. I think it was a lube-covered raisin, which looks and smells like a sadistic demon, so it's an easy mistake. Stuart Smalley's fashion icon then says that butt birthing out Rosemary's baby's twin fucked up his anus so bad that he had to get his sphincter stitched shut.
I know some of you are probably thinking that the doctor should've stitched up the sphincter on his face instead of the sphincter on his ass, but I disagree. Some of what comes out of his mouth is gold:
"Jenna Jameson never did anal onscreen."
"Anal sex creates a doorway into the demonic supernatural."
"Anal has become the first kiss."
I just want to buy a bunch of sphincter-shaped pillows and stitch (pun intended) those phrases onto every single one of them. And this does explain why every time I get ready to have butt sex, my piece hisses in horror, throws holy water at my ass and makes the sign of the cross while running out the door.
via Towleroad
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Submitted by Cookie_Monster_ on Fri, 01/04/2013 - 4:25pm.
You're describing yourself..it's common knowledge that conservatives have the hottest sex. We actually know how to use our bodies for NATURAL pleasure, and don't have to worry about tons of STD's from whoring ourselves out or contorting our genitals to use them against what they were made for.
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I would whole-heartily agree with this statement!
I can't stop laughing.....
To me deviant sex involves farm animals. Veggies are ok!
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Submitted by Cookie_Monster_ on Fri, 01/04/2013 - 4:25pm.
You're describing yourself..it's common knowledge that conservatives have the hottest sex.
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oh god, i know/hope this is supposed to be a joke or something but that's just too far
Submitted by MinxInSpace on Fri, 01/04/2013 - 10:19am.
Man, you must be the most boring lay ever. I'd rather have no sex than some boring ass vanilla sex you bible thumpers are always going on about.
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You're describing yourself..it's common knowledge that conservatives have the hottest sex. We actually know how to use our bodies for NATURAL pleasure, and don't have to worry about tons of STD's from whoring ourselves out or contorting our genitals to use them against what they were made for.
It's YOU that's so boring you have to resort to inhumane measures to get off. LOL sucks to be you!
Submitted by johnnysgirl :
Crazyinjapan, haha! Yesterday I got the idea to do a fancy sampler for my kitchen that says "Don't be saucy with me, Bearnaise" embellished with a bag of spilling raisins :D
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I got the sauce/Bearnaise, but I've never seen a recipe where it contains raisins. Cute idea though. :)
Submitted by chinchilla on Fri, 01/04/2013 - 11:32am.
imo anal is the new bi. everyone claims to be trying / doing it.
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HA! Try telling that to my gf.... I told her I could spit a little Orajel on there to numb it up and you'd still think you were asking her to cut her own heart out with a plastic spatula...
she's anal alright, TURNS OUT there's two kinds of anal... and she's the wrong kind.
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" Can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream... when I do you from behind..." ~ Kenny Powers
imo anal is the new bi. everyone* claims to be trying / doing it.
*eta: except for Jack's gf. ;)
agirl - please bend over so I can give you a kiss, my dear....
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" Can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream... when I do you from behind..." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by Cookie_Monster_ on Fri, 01/04/2013 - 12:07am.
Good for him, he speaks the truth. If God wanted penises up men's butts, he'd have put a vagina in there.
Deviant sex is a slap in God's face, and a disgrace to all humans. God bless him and I hope he stays on the right path.
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LOL TEAM DEVIANT SECKS
"Anal has become the first kiss."
Omg you guys, he's been spying on us all!!
POUNDIN PUSSY FOR JESUS!! MY GOODNESS HE CLEARLY IS AN ALL AMERICAN, GRADE A, 100% PUREBRED, PUSSY PULVERIZING, 'GINER MINER.
Hot chick: Joeseph, take me now... ravish me. I want to see you balls deep in my slimy fish hole of love.... mmmmmmmmmmm
Joseph SCialis: O.M.G. I WOULD FREAKIN DIE!!! *pokes it with hairbrush*
I would think Jesus wouldn't want anyone going through that...
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" Can I wear the Scream mask? The mask from Scream... when I do you from behind..." ~ Kenny Powers
Submitted by Cookie_Monster_ on Fri, 01/04/2013 - 12:07am.
Good for him, he speaks the truth. If God wanted penises up men's butts, he'd have put a vagina in there.
Deviant sex is a slap in God's face, and a disgrace to all humans. God bless him and I hope he stays on the right path.
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So by your convulsed logic, oral sex is "deviant" because that is NOT where a penis or vagina belongs, correct? Hand jobs are out too because there's no vagina in my hand.
Basically we just lay there, don't touch, get banged, don't moan (moaning is the devil's way of communicating) and have dem babies, right? That's the righteous path to glory!!
Man, you must be the most boring lay ever. I'd rather have no sex than some boring ass vanilla sex you bible thumpers are always going on about.
Anal sex has become the first kiss? Where the fuck was I when this happened? I know I haven't dated for a few months but I really missed the damn memo.
Submitted by Cookie_Monster_ on Fri, 01/04/2013 - 12:07am.
Good for him, he speaks the truth. If God wanted penises up men's butts, he'd have put a vagina in there.
Deviant sex is a slap in God's face, and a disgrace to all humans. God bless him and I hope he stays on the right path.
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You should respect anal sex more. After all if your Mother had never taken it up her tailpipe her shit would have never been fertilized and you would have been flushed! ;-)
Submitted by SANS FARDS on Thu, 01/03/2013 - 8:46pm.
I haven't watched enough Jenna Jameson pr0n to know.....did she really never do anal onscreen?
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WHAT? You mean your not going to trust the words of a former gay porn star who now pretend bangs pussy for Jesus as some expert of Jenna Jameson's career?
MACHO Joseph Sciambra has watched ALL of Jenna's porn videos and sometimes even manages to get hard when he stares at the big throbbing cock slide into her and listing to the man moan because it feels so good!
How dare you not understand that Joseph Sciambra is a certified pussy expert who will be going to Heaven now!
Submitted by TexnDoc on Thu, 01/03/2013 - 9:56pm.
If that's "Cory Monroe" 25 years later, kill me now.
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@TexnDoc: This Porn sleuth is doing some research. Keep away from the scalpels.........
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"Y este pendejo, que siente?!....."
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I'm picturing a world where anal is, in fact, the first kiss. Middle school dances will never be the same. Nor the kissing booth.
I love God and Jesus and go to church as many Sundays as I can but theres something about full blown holy rollers that make me want to fully bitchslap someone *Lord, I apologize*
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"Not a second goes by when one isn't cock-a-doodle-doodling up my asshole. That sounded sexy, but it isn't." - Michael K.
"Anal has become the first kiss" - hahah listen to Garfunkel and Oates' "The Loophole", it describes a "Christian" solution to sexual pollution:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kZAo1Zo5eR0
Lyrics here: http://pastebin.com/sUw8HTXp
Are there nude photos of her presenting hole?
(So now she just licks pinga?)
WithinReason, yes - Bearnaise! I b'lieve that's what I typed, but I am now a bit tipsy... One of my favorite lines from one of my favorite flicks, Mel Brooks' "History of the World Pt. 2."
I dunno how to spell "Bearnaise" so just a guess
Eww, he looks like Benny Hill in the face.
He wasnt a porn star... if so, by now, we'd have seen dug up photos and screen captures somewhere. The dork has no clue that on his youtube page, all related videos are about anal sex and gay porn. He's promoting the devils work!
That sweater! I think this guy has listened to some Morrissey records and he's really decided to play hard to get but he wants it.
http://13-mitred-abbots.tumblr.com/
The funniest part of that video might be that the person who posted it to youtube's id photo is Michele Bachman in her full crazy eyed glory.
Leave my manpussy alone.
This is a joke right? I mean the youtube channel it is posted on is called 'On your knees for Jesus' so I think the whole thing is satire like http://www.landoverbaptist.org/
Johnnysgirl, do you mean "Bearnaise"? Lol there is a lack of elegance on the part of some of us, aka me. i know.
@Bookworm, good for you. If you can do it, then so should he. That other gf of his probably did it wrong if it hurt that much.
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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D'oh! Nobody got my reference.
Still making it hee hee
Submitted by Mpress Me on Thu, 01/03/2013 - 11:24pm.
It's all fun and games 'til the truth comes out. Truth be told: The receiving end is a bad place to be. *HUT*
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To add to that, the wide receiver wouldn't have my name on the jersey,punts and field goals wouldn't be possible and a touchdown attempt would result in a taser to the nuts.
I don't know anything about this guy, though.
I would swap a cushion with "Anal is like the first kiss" for a knitted bong cozy.
Yeah, and then I could advertise on Dlisted!
CIJ... I think it could work.. GG would know about the programmable machines...
At least you'd laugh while you worked... ;;; grins
I'd say I'm surprised by this but the truth is I heard it in a song while I was sleeping upside down in my daughter's closet.- Dog
Bless his heart.
If it weren't so time-consuming, I would steal my cousin's idea and make it a side business. However, I think there are some sewing machines that you can program in a custom design. I think. Don't know that much about sewing. But it might be worth a try. Name the business? "Granny's Spry and Sinful Samplers?"
"Nana's Nasty Needlepoint?"
I did have to look up chode from the Quentin Tarantino thread yesterday..
Fear the Chode....LOL
I'd say I'm surprised by this but the truth is I heard it in a song while I was sleeping upside down in my daughter's closet.- Dog
CIJ... Can she make pillows..ward of the furcocks.. Anal is the first kiss.
You would make a fortune...;)
I'd say I'm surprised by this but the truth is I heard it in a song while I was sleeping upside down in my daughter's closet.- Dog
CIJ, pillows with the phrase "Anal has become like the first kiss" would make the best gifts! If they help ward off the furcocks, all the better! lolol
"Anal sex is a doorway to the demonic supernatural" - HAHHAHAHAHA
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"CAUTION: Delusion ahead." MK
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Oh my god, crazyinjapan, you are killing me.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
he speaks the word. i'm testifying.
porn has made me a deviant.
before porn, i was mild mannered and unassuming. my thoughts were pure as white sheets billowing softly on a warm sunny summer's day o'er feilds of daisies and white frolicking bunnies. just like a douche commercial. yup, that was me.
but then i got a sears catalogue and it all went downhill from there, satan's issue i am.
but that's all this creep has. other than that, he's talking about getting his asshole poked & popped like a coke addict talks about coke when they don't have it. he's getting all sweaty and stirred up just from talking about it.
if ever there was a case to be made that a person NEEDS porn, it's him right here.
go, run in the fields, douche -run in the fields!
*peddles off in a mint '88 yugo*
There are all kinds of cross-stitch alphabets, borders, and fillers on the internet for free. It's a good hobby especially when you're trying to quit smoking. Keeps your hands busy. "Anal sex is a doorway to the demonic supernatural" would be good, too. You could do it in gothic script with little devils and pink starfishes.
The religious thing freaks me out. Glad I'm an atheist. Different strokes (HA!) for different folks. I don't care what other men/women do in their bedroom (or wherever). But this is one thing I will NEVER do. Past lovers have wanted it & I said no. Those lovers (male) wouldn't let me (female) stuff a dildo/cucumber/etc up their arses so why should I. One guy even tried to tell me that it's different for (straight) men & they shouldn't have to do it, it's a purely female thing to do in a hetero relationship. I thought 'fuck off'.
He said a former gf had stuck a finger up his butt & it hurt like hell. And he STILL expected her (me) and his other gf's to have a dick shoved up their arses. Nope, not gonna play that game. I'm not a selfish lover, I do most things, but just not that.
If others do it, go for it!
Submitted by Talkdirty2me on Thu, 01/03/2013 - 9:35pm.
I got curious and had to look it up. Jenna apparently decided very early in her porn career that she'd never do anal on screen or double penetration.
Thanks for the referral bible buttsex dude. I think I might check out Jenna's autobio now. She seems to have led a wild life.
Ps- the hardest I've ever came was during anal, so if its the devils doorway then everyone can form a line to pass through right behind me.
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hmm, interesting. DP just looks...well....ridiculous, because the two dudes doing the banging have to coordinate their thrusting. Sometimes they lose their rhythm and LOLs ensue.
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A Lannister always pays his debts.
Crazyinjapan, haha! Yesterday I got the idea to do a fancy sampler for my kitchen that says "Don't be saucy with me, Bearnaise" embellished with a bag of spilling raisins :D
I knew the Cock Monster couldn't resist a butt sex post.
You're a filthy anal-banging slut, ANGELA!
CIJ, I think that would be CHARMING in a cross stitch sampler.
"Let them all boil in their own hotdog juice." Deb 7/2012
Good for him, he speaks the truth. If God wanted penises up men's butts, he'd have put a vagina in there.
Deviant sex is a slap in God's face, and a disgrace to all humans. God bless him and I hope he stays on the right path.
Maybe he had to have surgery on his sphincter because he was doing BDSM porn and maybe some extreme insertions. Hello.
Perhaps the anus isn't designws for lots of ingress, but as Mel-tang pointed out, poop logs can be as big as penises. I'm pretty sure if you're well prepped and the person sticking the thing up there is gentle and respectful, there won't be permanent damage.
And now I have to consciously unclench because my butt is askeered.
OMG, I have a cousin who cross-stitches filthy obscene sayings to put on pillows or in frames. She made me one that says, "You suck green slimy donkey dicks," because that is one of my favorite sayings. I'll have to email her, "Anal has become the first kiss." Maybe somebody will get it for Christmas next year.