Suri’s Going To Catholic School

July 14, 2012 / Posted by:

So much for my comment about how Suri Cruise has been spared the torture of sitting in a ten hour-long Catholic mass. If The Los Angeles Times is telling the truth, then that whole rumor about how Katie Holmes and Tommy Girl have both agreed to keep religion away from Suri until she gets older is made of lies. Because according to The L.A. Times, Suri will become a Catholic school girl this September when she starts her first day of school at the all-girls Convent of the Sacred Heart in Manhattan. That’s the same school Caroline Kennedy, Wonky McValtrex and Lady CaCa went to.

UsWeekly says that tuition is $38,000 a year and Suri will have to go to mass every single Thursday.

Why does Suri have to go to school anyway? Suri already knows how to stomp in heels down a hallway and that’s the only valuable lesson you learn at school. Suri already knows everything there is to know about life. Although, sitting in Catholic mass for hours upon days upon weeks upon months upon years upon centuries did force me to learn a very important skill: how to sleep with my eyes open. Make that two very important skills, because I also learned how to roll my eyes on the inside. So there’s that.

And you know that by the end of September, Suri will rule that school Regina George-style.

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