Finally, The Answer To The Question We've All Been Asking!
You know what question I'm talking about since you're asking that question right now while staring at that picture of THE QUEEN! What kind of royal secrets are hiding within The Queen's beloved pocketbook? The pocketbook that she takes with her to sit on both royal thrones. The pocketbook that she cuddles with at night. The pocketbook that is her conjoined twin and her only confidante. Memaws are serious about their handbags and The Queen has never been an exception. But a royal biographer, who is obviously going to be executed soon for committing treason, did some ninja-like shit to uncover what lies beneath Her Majesty's handbag.
In Sally Bedell Smith's new book, she claims the following shit always has a place in The Queen's pocketbook. From The Telegraph (via Jezebel):
- A mirror, because every queen must have a portable mirror with her to ask who the fairest of all is. (FYI: When The Queen asks, this is what her mirror shows her.)
- A £5 or £10 note to drop in the donation basket at church on Sundays.
- Mints, lipstick, reading glasses and a pen.
- A plastic suction cup with a hook to hang her best friend on. An anonymous source explained it like this: “I watched the Queen open her handbag and remove a white suction cup and discreetly spit into it. The Queen then attached the cup to the underside of the table. The cup had a hook on it, and she attached her handbag to it.”
The Queen ain't the one to let her precious purse sit on the floor where the dirt of a commoner's common shoes lie. Sally also wrote that if Her Majesty needs a pair of gloves, her ladies-in-waiting hold on to that kind of shit for her. But you know, this is kind of disappointing and it must be some kind of cover up. I refuse to believe that The Queen's pocketbook isn't filled with bricks (for when she really needs to fuck a bitch up by hitting them over the head) and a lone house slipper (for when she really needs to slap one of her grandchildren in the teeth for sass talking). I won't take any other answer.
And unfortunately, I don't have any answers for the other question that just loaded into your brain which is: Why the fuck did I read this shit?
Since we're on the subject of THE ROYALS!!!, here's the tingle of my loins Prince Hot Ginge leaving some club in London last night with Becks. That scratch on his nose? Yup, sass talking to his memaw again.
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LOVE this old codger; she's the coolest. Seriously. ElizabethII rolls with it, always with a bad-ass grimace on her face. God save the Queen.
Aren't those Christian types supposed to give 10% of their income to the church? By my calculations, she should be carrying around something like a 100,000 pound note in her pocketbook.....
Well I, for one, am quite surprised. I always assumed that, besides the mirror and the suction cup, the only other thing she had in there was a shank.
♥ Threadkilla!
"god bless, buy my single!"~Courtney Stodden
...."when is she going to finally die?"
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"Charlie you fucking bitch, let's work it out" - High Fidelity
...."when is she going to finally die?"
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"Charlie you fucking bitch, let's work it out" - High Fidelity
Submitted by TimC on Sun, 02/05/2012 - 3:15am.
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In short he's turning into a ginge CHARLES! hahahah. Though Hot ginge still has a naughty streak, William could never have. Like he has the potential to REALLY embarrass the family. So he seems more fun. But yeah, Har' is slowly being sedated back into propriety, hardly surprising for someone in his position. LOL!
"What is that strange clear liquid dripping out of my eye?" MK
~What does the queen do dad?
~She queens.
I love zero bullshit grannies - I had one myself. My dad used to tell me not to think that his mom was a sweet old lady because she'd hit him with whatever she could lay hands on (hanger, wooden spoon, chair, length of rope, belt) and she squited at him through a cloud of Pall Mall unfiltered cigarette smoke and said, "I had to, Bob. You were an awful kid!"
She also was active in organized labor strikes, and was run over by a state trooper on horseback. She was also shot by a water cannon.
OT I once read that the Queen also carries photographs of her family in her purse.
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"... and her temper worse than wildfire it is gunpowder and blows up everything ..." Mary Shelley
that scowl. the purse. the hat.
damn shes hot
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
♦ When all else fails, they call me.
♦ Life sucks. Shit Happens. I'm a student of t-shirts.
They forgot the gun, in case she has to bust a cap in somebody's ass.
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"Two whores don't make a right"-- M.K.
"Any guy who values stick thin and young over smarts and personality isn't worth it and has NOTHING interesting to say anyway."-- Mrs. Kravitz
Submitted by Kelly0213 on Sun, 02/05/2012 - 12:57am.
This bitch is my hero..snubbing Obama...
IT'S NOT PRESIDENT OMAMA'S FAULT THAT YOU ARE IGNORANT.
Nope..just the rest of the country's fault that he is.
I can't believe MK still has a thing for prince ginge. I admit he was hot for a while. But he's cold and stale now. His lips are disappearing into thing lines of baloney. And while he's not exactly fat, that chin is working up to a double already. It's time to move on and find another hot ginger for fapping times (and I don't mean freak gingers like carrottop or mingeginges like rojo caliente). I feel like Dlisted is losing a little bit of its soul without fresh, worthy hotties to blogstalk.
This is complete BS. The Queen isn't spitting on anything, ok?. She has servants to hold her damn purse!
I also never put my purse on the ground because it's bad luck. I'm Indian but I live in Califronia, therefore, all my Mexican homegirls told me the Truth about purse placement! Never on the ground!
These grandmother stories are wonderful. Thanks for the giggles,sluts. I'll admit to being very envious because my grandparents-the LADY and the Great Male Feminist-died when I was a teenager.
I love this old mastodon more than ever since I know that she eats porridge for breakfast at her desk every morning. Hard-working and frugal, that's how I like my queens.
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"We are here on earth to do good for others.
What the others are here for, I don't know."
W.H. Auden
From that look on her face, the Queen is about to yell at some teenagers to get off her lawn...
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"There's not enough liquor or therapy in the world to help me forget that..." - Archer
This bitch is my hero..snubbing Obama..that said..$10 to the church? Cheap ass biscuit!
@ BaconSlut
Pissing myself laughing at your granny!
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I'm like herpes... I may disappear for awhile but you can NEVER get rid of me!
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Sat, 02/04/2012 - 10:21pm.
Herro. Who`s up?
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I am!
What's up, sluts?
They make portable side table hooks now that perch on the side of the table and hold your purse. I've been given several of them and they go from just plain metal to bedazzled in crystal. I don't really care if my purse is on the floor unless I'm in a nasty place or bathroom so I never use them.
Sincerely,
Alana Smithee
Submitted by BaconSlut on Sat, 02/04/2012 - 9:48pm.
Just popping in quick-like to say that I absolutely loved reading some of the stories that were shared about grandmas.
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Your grandmother sounds like she was a lot of fun.
=D
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. –michelleb
I concur. My Maw was a gun-totin' belle as well...until she got to the point where the guns started to weigh more than she did.
I'm the youngest out of 18 grandkids (they have 24 great grandchildren and 5 great, great-grandchildren), my eldest cousin is 46--but we're all ridiculously close. Whenever we have family dinners, we'll do the typical familial bickering and she'll scold us while we all divert our eyes and say, "Yes Maw..." And be on our best behavior until she has a few more glasses of wine. But, good grief, I love her and my Paw so much.
Whenever they upset me, my Mom reminds me that they're almost 90, my grandmother single-handedly raised 5 kids while they were dirt poor, and my grandfather was in WWII (a POW as well), then while he got his Bachelor's, Master's and PhD. They've both survived cancer--she beat it twice and he three times (all of which waranted a death sentence) She reminds how hard they've worked for 8 decades, so if they want to be cranky or gripe at me, so be it. They've deserved it. And she's right.
Now, my Paw, he's a hoot. He tells the most amazing stories and has a personality that is the polar opposite of hers. But believe me, he's not afraid to give any of us a swift kick in the ass if needed. As the youngest, they hold me at a different standard; it's just taken me a while to realize that they know of what I'm capable.
This makes me feel guilty cause I was supposed to call them today.
How I adore older people. They're like talking time capsules."
It could be worse, Maw could stalk Zac Efron and do whip its...but she's aged beautifully. She makes me have 0 qualms about growing old. I admire her for it.
A candle loses nothing of its light by lighting another candle."--catholicschoolgirl
How did she become one of the wealthiest people on the planet? Where did the billions come from and why is she such a stingy royal c u. n. t. ?
Herro. Who`s up?
Well, aren't you just the cosmopolitan Queen Bee of Cuntsville? No, I'm sorry, of "Cuntropolis". Please excuse us in all of our inbred grandpa fucking glory. Karen Flatts, 09/21/11
Submitted by Hekki on Sat, 02/04/2012 - 9:46pm.
Where is everybody? DDid everyone get a life? Normally this place is crawling with Horz.
Is it empty because there is no OP?
It's been quiet in here in the evenings for the last week or so. Dunno what's going on.
Submitted by mike on Sat, 02/04/2012 - 9:27pm.
btw, suckie, I think I may have found something that you could add to some of your jokes that get you in trouble in here (with some people)
LOL @ "No hobo". Bryan Safi talked about that, too. Pasting from my phone, so dunno if it'll work, but here...
http://m.youtube.com/#/watch?v=7ldtSQ0KPPs
Where is everybody? DDid everyone get a life? Normally this place is crawling with Horz.
Is it empty because there is no OP?
Just popping in quick-like to say that I absolutely loved reading some of the stories that were shared about grandmas.
Add mine to the pile. She passed just before her 100th birthday. But before then, she would tool around in a Bronco at breakneck speeds on Wisconsin's freeways. The Staties all knew her and loved her, even though they also knew that she packed a handgun in the glovie at all times, and if need be, knew how to use it. She also had an openly gay bestie long before it was accepted. Grandma was not giving a single shit long before that Honey Badger bitch was around.
Have a great rest of the weekend everyone!
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"Uh, hello, room service? I'd like some bacon, a couple of Cokes, and a bunch of whores." -Butthead, of Beavis and Butthead
Submitted by mike on Sat, 02/04/2012 - 9:27pm.
btw, suckie, I think I may have found something that you could add to some of your jokes that get you in trouble in here (with some people)
go to 1:07
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ololol she did that "shit white girls say" video, Mike did you impregnate her? I really want to know, but if you don't tell me I won't take it personally.
No PEE doe
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
btw, suckie, I think I may have found something that you could add to some of your jokes that get you in trouble in here (with some people)
go to 1:07
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qNBzHaXlNI&feature=youtube_gdata_player
Submitted by mike on Sat, 02/04/2012 - 9:07pm.
You'd been wondering how to keep your purse (murse?) off the floor, or you finally got those pics from J. Harvey?
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How are you able to read minds?
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
Submitted by mike on Sat, 02/04/2012 - 9:07pm.
Submitted by suckandfuck on Sat, 02/04/2012 - 8:57pm.
why are my dreams coming true?
You'd been wondering how to keep your purse (murse?) off the floor, or you finally got those pics from J. Harvey?
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It's not a purse, it's European!
Submitted by suckandfuck on Sat, 02/04/2012 - 8:57pm.
why are my dreams coming true?
You'd been wondering how to keep your purse (murse?) off the floor, or you finally got those pics from J. Harvey?
David Beckham aka minnie mouse you put your mouth on mine and you see what fukken happens, I'm gonna make your fucking body pregnant, motherfucker
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
why are my dreams coming true?
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
@mahaatma and AtomicCity, you've described my grams almost to a tee! Strong stuff indeed, those ladies! Wonder how the Queen is with her grandchildren? I've seen a couple photos where she looks most affectionate... Something that I guess is rarely seen in "official" images, of which there are so many! :)
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"What is that strange clear liquid dripping out of my eye?" MK
ubmitted by Gobbler on Sat, 02/04/2012 - 8:11pm.
Submitted by Fronika on Sat, 02/04/2012 - 7:56pm.
What the hell is a pocketbook? Do you mean handbag?
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You might be surprised to find out that there is usually more than one word to describe any given object.
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LOL!
Hey Gobbler! How ya doin? I'm killing time between my bad date (loooooooo-ser!) and meeting up with friends to bitch about the loooooooo-ser!
Have a good one!
*leaves fudgey uncle for Gobbler*
Pocketbook, handbag, purse....
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Read Triston's Heaux-ventures as he traipses the Heaux-rient Sexpress!
http://scallywagandvagabond.com/2012/01/heaux-confessionals-traispsing-t...
The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Nightowl!
And I would hate to be the queen. Her job sucks.
LOVE the tough granny stories. My peasant grannies must have had shitty ass lives.
Whenever I think I have it rough, I think about my grannies who did everything without electricity and had zero civil rights, and then I don't feel so bad. I have had the cushiest life of any woman in my lineage so far.
red eye and red crotch
together at last
♥
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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.
"That's easy; in 1617, the word first surfaced to denote a small book, now called a notebook; it was a book of addresses, or notes, that fitted in a pocket. By 1816, women were carrying a booklike case with compartments for papers and knickknacks, and they called it a purse, handbag or -- extending the old term -- pocketbook."
NYTimes
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Submitted by Fronika on Sat, 02/04/2012 - 7:56pm.
What the hell is a pocketbook? Do you mean handbag?
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You might be surprised to find out that there is usually more than one word to describe any given object.
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Why is Owen Wilson hanging out with Liz?
:)
that's what ima call my stoned gurlfrens, "your HIGHNESS-ES"
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What the hell is a pocketbook? Do you mean handbag?
"No matter how cynical you become, it's impossible to keep up." - Lily Tomlin
oh, and that whole suction cup thing? idiotically fake. cant even believe they bothered to print it, or that anyone who can read and who has ever heard of QE, could believe it for a second.
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Posh Beckham is one of the Seven Signs of the Apocalypse.
WHAT a co-inky-dink! That's what I have in MY purse!!!
Plus a gold-plated ID that says, "That's Your Highness to you, bitch," with a pic of me wearing Mom's church clothes (which are also oddly similar to Her HIGHNESS).
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holy shit becks is handsome. i never found him appealing before (i have no patience for a man stupid enough to love his wife), but for gods sake almighty. i think he might be the handsomest man alive.
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Posh Beckham is one of the Seven Signs of the Apocalypse.