Hot Slut Of The Day!

This morning, my ass is suffering from bronzer fumes inhalation, breast plate burns to the face and a Vitamin D deficiency due to shade overload, and that could only mean one thing: RuPaul’s Drag Race is back! The show that Xtina uses as her own personal make-up tutorial (Note: But no self-respecting queen on Drag Race would let her pussy plasma drip down her leg without throwing some glitter on it first) dropped on our TV screens and brought Elvira, who I can’t believe has never been on that shit before, in as a guest judge.

There are a few queens to talk about like Phi Phi O’Hara, who I swear has “bitch” written next to nationality on her passport (“Go back to Party City where you belong!” is my new favorite verbal slap and I don’t even know what it means), Latrice Royale and Willam whose face is always telling you that it’s 5 o’clock, but none of them compare to Sharon Needles! Sharon Needles was born one night in Pittsburgh when Courtney Love’s favorite heroin-shooting vein busted open and squirted all into the gutter as Marilyn Manson jacked off on a Nina Hagen voodoo doll. Bitch is like a Real Housewife of Silent Hill.

Last night’s challenge was to queef out a glamour look for the Rupocalypse and Sharon Needles easily wrapped up that competition by crawling out looking like she just snowballed (tar balled?) a Tar Monster on the shores of a swamp.

The season is still young, but so far I’m stretching out my arm to tie a pair of panty hose around it before shooting up some Sharon Needles. TEAM SHARON NEEDLES (If that doesn’t get me an “HIV test appointment reminder” postcard from the free clinic, I don’t know what will.)