Magic Mike In The Morning

Steven Soderbergh’s Magic Mike isn’t coming out in theaters equipped with plastic-wrapped seats and popcorn butter that can double as lube until June, but they’re already pushing out stills to keep nipples hard and panty cream churning until the summer.

Entertainment Weekly put out those pictures of Channing Tatum (that’s Carol O’Neal to you and me), Alex Pettyfer, Adam Rodriguez and Matt Boner flexing their cum gutters as male strippers. One thing I’ve learned from these pictures is that I ain’t shit, because I should’ve went to nipple waxing school and gotten a job as the head man hair puller on this movie. These dudes are as hairless as a baby worm’s pussy. Living The Life is dipping Adam Rodriguez in a tub of NADS and wrapping him in a cocoon of wax strips before pulling that shit off fast. Then I’d carefully pluck each hair off the strips, wash them all off and knit them into a g-string onesie for me to wear around the house. That’s not creepy. It’s called BEING GREEN! Damn me to hell for not coming up with this sooner.

And I know we’ve only seen like two or three pictures from this no-no puckering mess, but it sort of does look like the dude version of Showgirls. Showguys! Steven Sodbergh better not disappoint and he better include a scene where Matt pushes Alex down the stairs and Channing rides Matthew McConaughey’s dick in a pool while flopping around like a Beverly Hills mermaid having a seizure.