Twilight Causes Seizures

how the fuck did a 300 year old or however old vampire fuck a human girl and make her pregnant?

he is 300 years old, he would shoot sperm in powder form.

Cellu-light

Andre,could you bring me my fan,,could you bake it in a cake or stick it up your ass or something? I must have my fan RIGHT AWAY"

I've never seen any of the Twilight movies or read any of the books, but this transcription was hi-larious and wonderful. Also, watched many of the trailers that were linked to (http://movies.yahoo.com/movie/1810158314/video/27113365) and still cannot understand why this whole phenomenon is so popular. will someone explain?

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RE: Submitted by dementa on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 8:51pm.

Check out this transcription of the movie.... with a twist!
http://m15m.livejournal.com/22931.html

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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.

www.hangryhippo.com: Where hunger, anger, media consumption, and satire meet for a snack

Dudes, enough homeschooling cracks.

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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.

Damn. Am ALL for covering up that lard, cellulite-laden mess, but what is that woman 55.... how sad.

Took my daughter to this yesterday and we had a ball. I laughed audibly at the opening scene, then realized we were in a public theatre, so we kept it on the low down. We low-fived at all the ridiculous scenes. What a show! My daughter is 15 and loved the books but this movie was like watching an episode of Power Rangers (er..no offense to Power Rangers). So it was fun over all because we were together, making fun of this enjoyable mess.

And furthermore.....I now realize I am all Team Jacob!! Edward is a control freak douchebag! Something is all sorts of WRONG when you aren't "complete" on your own f*cking wedding day until ANOTHER MAN shows up. And don't even get me started on how dumb the author of these books is. Jeebus. Home-schooled under a rock mayhaps??

I know plenty of women with man hands. Sorry to go all 'Bones' on you, but judging from the skin texture, the amount of cellulite and relative hairlessness were looking at the leg of a woman in her early or mid-fifties. Quelle tristesse!

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*in a deep, manly voice*

"Like sands through the hourglass... so are the days of our lives."

Check out this transcription of the movie.... with a twist!
http://m15m.livejournal.com/22931.html

*********

I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.

Submitted by Sandbitch on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 7:15pm.

LOL! I don't think they can really afford any of that shit...but they do have good credit!

Submitted by Manimal5 on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 6:51pm.

I'm watching Vampires Suck! Much better than Breaking Water any day.

---RHONJ, Christmas 2010 episodes, take pity. How the fuck do they afford all that shit...grumble grumble.

I'm watching Vampires Suck! Much better than Breaking Water any day.

Submitted by Bjork You on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 12:29pm.
Submitted by WinterOwl22 on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 1:14am.
Everyone seemed to be posting that they were excited to see the Twilight movie last week. I seriously wanted to unfriend every single person.

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HATER REPORTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*++*+**++*+*+*+*+*+*+*++*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+***+*++*+*+

*tries to beat Bjork by hitting the " •  report abuse" button*

The poster formerly known as Snow Owl formerly known as Night Owl!

Dementa:

I loved Anne Rice in HS! Buahahhaa. Lol. I was obsessed.. but liked the anti-religion theme Lestat had going a lot. Haha. Because I went to a public school in central Oklahoma. So, say what you want about Anne Rice... she relieved my mind from the worse stupidity of an all-white school system. :)

Submitted by rotten_egg on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 3:03pm.

Nope, she went to a public school (well, that explains a lot) and then a Mormon college (again, it explains a lot). I don't know if she's just naturally stupid or whether she was too busy writing Anne Rice fanfic in class to actually pay attention.

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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.

-Submitted by dementa on Fri, 11/25/2011 - 4:58pm.

"She can't even make up her mind whether vampires are alive or dead. She claims they're dead, but they mutate and produce new bodily fluids. She also thinks the placenta comes from the BABY, not the mother. And she thinks SEMEN is what impregnates women, not the sperm IN the semen.

She's a fucking idiot. And that;'s even without the vampire stupidity."

WHAT??! Fucking really?. She must have been homeschooled by dumbasses to have such warped and ignorant biology notions. One more reason NOT to read her shit books.

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-"I am not about to deal with unstable people" - HEART ANGELINA.

Lucky fuck, i'd take a seizure any day over watching that bullshit... www.brilliantarrogance.com

omg, I realized that it's a leg only after reading some comments :(. daaammmnnnn

Submitted by dementa on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 12:32pm.

I actually would like to see an all-doggy Twishite. Of course, the whole thing would be over in ten minutes because nobody would be wanking on about their miserable lives.

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HAHAHAHA!!! I'd watch that, too. I wonder if Edward would look like this:

http://www.mydoghalloweencostumes.com/images/dogicula-dog-costume1.jpg

Not enough sparkle, though.

Submitted by ghost of gene r... on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 12:28pm.

I actually would like to see an all-doggy Twishite. Of course, the whole thing would be over in ten minutes because nobody would be wanking on about their miserable lives.

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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.

Submitted by tonicbitch on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 12:01pm.

Has anyone read SMeyer's The Host? It's about a thousand times better than this shitpile, not that that's a hard feat, and actually has a strong female lead (well one strong lead and one mary sue which is still an improvement).
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I did, and the characters are a lot more likeable. It's not bad, considering who wrote it.

As for Breaking Hymens, you need to be drunk. You need to be for all of the films, really.

Submitted by WinterOwl22 on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 1:14am.
Everyone seemed to be posting that they were excited to see the Twilight movie last week. I seriously wanted to unfriend every single person.

=================

HATER REPORTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Someone call the curator at MoMa!

Two things:

1. That person's leg not only makes me feel a little less gross about my own fatty fat fatness, but it inspires me to stick to my weight loss plan. I'm going to print that picture and put it on my refrigerator with a "this could be you (sans fugly tattoo, of course) if you start slacking" caption.

2. Speaking of that, I'd hate to see what those faces will look like if the person in the picture ever lost a significant amount of weight. It would be like Twilight as interpreted by an all-Sharpei cast.

it's not a woman
it's not a man
..it is something that you cannot understand

(even Prince knows)

Has anyone read SMeyer's The Host? It's about a thousand times better than this shitpile, not that that's a hard feat, and actually has a strong female lead (well one strong lead and one mary sue which is still an improvement).

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"I'd rather regret the things I've done than regret the things I haven't done." -Lucille Ball-sy

Submitted by Migraineuse on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 2:40am.

Yes, there is such a thing. "Misogyny" is not the oppression of women, but the hatred/contempt/distrust of women. Check your dictionary. Oppression of women STEMS from misogyny.

Therefore, misandry exists because there are plenty of women out there who loathe men. And misanthropy exists as well, since obviously you can't oppress a whole species. And no, it is NOT impossible for woman to oppress men. Trust me, it happens. I've seen it. It does't need to happen on a societal scale to exist.

Additionally, even if it WERE the oppression of women, misandry would still exist as a theoretical concept.

Submitted by Rdeadline on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 11:05am.

Yeah, Rochester is pretty much an asshole thru most of the book. The big difference is that unlike Edturd Cullen, he eventually gets punished and has to change as a person before he can have a HEA. Edturd just stays a huge dick, because he's "perfect."

Smeyer's like that with all the old romantic books. She doesn't notice that when Darcy is a dick in a book like Pride and Prejudice, it's depicted as NOT CHARMING. He only gets to be with Lizzie once he's stopped being a dick, grown some compassion and shown that he is a good person. But Smeyer just thinks, "Oh, he's such an asshole! It's so SEXY!"

Submitted by tonicbitch on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 11:59am.

I couldn;t get past all the other SF shows and movies she was ripping off.

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I'm here to kick ass and drink tea. And I'm all out of tea.

I've been watching 2006's Jane Eyre and there are some scenes between Jane and Rochester that are exactly like Twilight. IMO Rochester is a total A-hole who is played by an exceptionally gorgeous actor. these romantic heros of yore and today are horrible abusive guys tamed by the right woman and the Twilight movies are the same way.

This is so vomit-worthy. Why?!?

Submitted by PSL on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 10:25am.

I think the owner of this wonderful piece of art has been found.

^^^^^^^^^^^^

I'll take "Oh What The Fuck" for $500, Alex.

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www.charitywater.org

www.theanimalrescuesite.com

www.modestneeds.org

The tatted up fool IS a woman. Men do not get cellulite like that, but women can and do have man hands.

I think the owner of this wonderful piece of art has been found.

http://www.people.com/people/static/h/package/yearend2011/vote/super_fan...

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Through a glass eye your throne
Is the one danger zone
Take me to the pilot for control
Take me to the pilot of your soul

I know PSL, just throwing in my two cents. But I do admit to having bouts of asshattery and don't mind being called on it. I keeps me from living life with my head jammed up my ass.

Gardening Girl, I just wanted that person to watch the way she generalizes- calling everyone her a dumbass. yes, there are some dumbasses here for sure, but most of us is smart. :)

and that is a woman. lol

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Through a glass eye your throne
Is the one danger zone
Take me to the pilot for control
Take me to the pilot of your soul

Why are we still looking at this beast?

I dont care if its a he or she, I just assume this is your typical, pathetic, socially inept, dateless and deluded twattard fan.

Breaking Dawn Birth Scene

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qr7nRvlEyrQ

LOFL

Submitted by dianajeanne on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 12:34am.

hey dumbasses- ummm that's NOT A WOMAN.......
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a man does not wear bikini underwear. a woman will wear a flannel shirt, and get a ton of cellulite being that fat.

YOU are the dumbass - watch your fucking mouth.

:D

***********************************************
Through a glass eye your throne
Is the one danger zone
Take me to the pilot for control
Take me to the pilot of your soul

I saw BD on Monday night and someone or something started a small fire during that scene. We had to evacuate. Probably some Twi Hard's panties catching on fire

Anyone see the new Simpsons episode about the Harry Potter books? That shit was truth. Yeah, no need to be bitching and moaning about Stephanie Meyer's lack of talent, because those books were probably mostly ghostwritten by a team of random people after the content of the series was evaluated by a series of businessmen to edit the content for maximum sell-ability to tweens and fat housewives. The "Stephanie Meyer was just a regular housewife that hit it big" story adds to the allure, just like the "JK Rowling was a struggling author and now is a billionaire" malarkey. These authors are a front so the books don't give away the fact that they're just moneymaking machines without a soul. Meyer may have came up with initial concepts, but do you really think an inexperienced writer is going to come up with 4 thick ass (though written on the level of a Goosebumps novel) books in just a few years all by herself?

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Attention campers, lunch has been cancelled today, due to lack of hustle. Deal with it...

KStew - always mouth-breathing, even on fugly ass thigh tattoos.

I have a seizure every time I see how much money is being made from this twilight garbage...

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"The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power. You just take it." --
Roseanne Barr

Submitted by jerseygirl17 on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 4:08am.

And another thing (I'm always cranky when I wake up in the middle of the night, sorry). I only read the first one, but there is something off about how Meyer makes the Mormon-representative vampires "superior" to humans. They're prettier, richer, supposedly more interesting, everyone is supposedly just jealous of them, and they basically can't be killed by humans. Garlic, sunlight, crosses, stakes, etc. don't work despite hundreds of years of vampire legend that says yes they do.
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Because I've read well over 10 different vampire series (haha sadly) I feel I can speak with authority on the subject of different vampire lore :D

The three MAIN schools of lore have either the classic , they are dead and supernatural theory, the it's a genetic condition and only people born to it can be vampires, and the it's an infectious transmittable disease.

And then lots of combo's of the different lore. Like she used, She also obviously read the same series I have and stole different chunks from the other authors.

Most authors use the better looks and strength ect, because vampires are predators and need the edge to attract food.

And as to the tendency to be richer and more interesting, a individual would have to be pretty damn pathetic to live hundreds of years and not accumulate some wealth.

My Grandmother is almost 100 and it's fascinating to think about all the different changes over the years she has seen and experienced.
She went from no antibiotics and computers, to space travel, the small world we have now due to the t.v and internet, and the leaps in medical technology.

So someone who has lived 10 times as long should be interesting simply because of the first hand experience of living 10 times as long.

I would think a vampire that was poor, boring and not smart or at least cunning due to life experience, wouldn't last very long :D

Now to try to excuse my reading habits, I read very fast (easily a book a day), I have a lot of down time to read, and I'm the type of person who will read the back of shampoo bottles for entertainment while I take a crap.

I just got a Kindle Fire (love it!) so now I can watch Cash in the Attic or Dr. Who while I poop.

My first thought was that it was the husbands hand holding up her fat so he could take the picture.

Now I'm not as sure, I assumed it was a woman, but the fingernails on that hand are manicured.
would a husband that age have his nails manicured?

and heh I actually liked the books, even though her inexperience at writing REALLY stood out.
But then I was biased going into it since I like vampires.

AND after I read them I was all into finding and reading a bunch of different vampire series and read a bunch written for actual grown ups and she literally stole almost everything from about 5 different series.
Once I had read a bunch from other authors, it was really blatant she had plagiarized big time.

I almost had a seizure looking at that fucking leg. I didn't even realise it WAS a leg at first...I thought it was someone's side

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Her:"I bought sparkling wine. Let's have girls night!" Me:"I would rather put a cigarette out on my clit." - Slashleen on Twitter

http://www.celebitchy.com/193961/enquirer_lourdes_leon_is_embarrassed_by...

Submitted by Migraineuse on Sat, 11/26/2011 - 2:40am.

dementa, there is no such thing as misandry. It's a neologism that was supposed to be an antonym for "misogyny", but it's not. It is impossible for women to oppress men. An individual woman may hurt a man, but she can't oppress him, because oppression is systematic. There is no man-hating framework that controls our lives, therefore there is no "misandry".

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I disagree. The existence of the mythology of the Amazon warrior women minimally indicates the ancient belief - and possibly the fear - that women could very well thrive in a strictly-female society with male involvement limited to breeding purposes. The fact that terminology - such as matriarchy, gynocentricity, etc. - even exists demonstrates at least a perception of female-dominated societal structures, which by default necessitates the oppression of males.

The constant generalization of women as oppressed and dominated by males is an excellent example of misandrist views.

And another thing (I'm always cranky when I wake up in the middle of the night, sorry). I only read the first one, but there is something off about how Meyer makes the Mormon-representative vampires "superior" to humans. They're prettier, richer, supposedly more interesting, everyone is supposedly just jealous of them, and they basically can't be killed by humans. Garlic, sunlight, crosses, stakes, etc. don't work despite hundreds of years of vampire legend that says yes they do.

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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate

Submitted by Migraineuse on Fri, 11/25/2011 - 10:58pm.
Bella is a narcissist. That's because she's the avatar of a narcissistic author.
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Word. It killed me how everything in the first book inexplicably revolves around Bella. I know that all novels are like that to a degree but it's excessive and there's no real explanation. The whole town anxiously awaits her arrival. The human boys and Jacob love her. The girls try to be friendly with her despite the fact she clearly can't be bothered. The main bad guy shows up halfway through the book, takes one look at her and OMG must have only her yummy blood and will track her across several states to get it. Then the whole family goes CIA shit to protect her.

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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate

Fair enough Migraineuse
*coffee*
Sorry. Have a great day!

Jintess, I just woke up.

I still don't think it's cool to make fun of fat people per se, but...if it's an oppressor, and he's got a dumb Twilight tattoo.... I'll look the other way, just this once.

*______________________________________*

"If Michelle Duggar's vagina is under God's control, then God has some explaining to do." -- hotpocket

dementa, there is no such thing as misandry. It's a neologism that was supposed to be an antonym for "misogyny", but it's not. It is impossible for women to oppress men. An individual woman may hurt a man, but she can't oppress him, because oppression is systematic. There is no man-hating framework that controls our lives, therefore there is no "misandry".

Sorry for getting all hairsplitting there, but that word irritates me.

Where was I? I had a flipping migraine and was asleep for 36 hours. No big deal because there is no Thanksgiving here.

*______________________________________*

"If Michelle Duggar's vagina is under God's control, then God has some explaining to do." -- hotpocket