Sit Down, Brangie
Just over a week ago, Rachel Weisz and Daniel Craig totally fucked up tied the knot out of the blue in a private ceremony. From what The New York Post reports, while the rest of the world was going "WHAAA? They had totally different SO's a few months ago!" her neighbors in the Catskills said they knew that shit was coming. Check out this quote from "a source" (damn, that bitch gets AROUND):
"I saw them in the local grocery store, Emmanuel's Market Place. They looked like the world's hottest couple...They were casually dressed, then Daniel suddenly pulled Rachel to him in the middle of produce and gave her a passionate kiss, right next to the bananas. They looked more in love and sexier than Brad and Angelina."
HAHAHA IN YO FACE, BRAD AND ANGIE!!! SOURCE totally owned your ass! Actually, no, that's not really saying much since current Brangie is only sexy if you get turned on looking at a plate of boiled bratwurst with a botoxed chopstick and some wax lips on it. I think the funniest and sessiest part of this quote is the detail that they did it by the bananas! SUGGESTIVE. Move over cucumbers, there is a new king of phallic produce!
There were also reports of them PDAing all over each other at the local gym. Before you say "Pinche putas!! A minute ago, he was engaged and she was shacked up for the last 8 years with her baby daddy!" (like you really knew that shit since you get all your news on Dlisted), they dated briefly 20 years ago and recently fell back in love with each other's privates while working together on "Dream House" last year. So technically, they have the longest relationship in the history of Hollywood. HOT.
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"...since current Brangie is only sexy if you get turned on looking at a plate of boiled bratwurst with a botoxed chopstick and some wax lips on it."
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
BRING BACK the old, glamorous Hollywood!!!
‘Satsuki has only just reached a happy place. She has since said, more than once, that the break-up was the best thing for her.
‘She knew he was not the man she wanted him to be and there was something wrong in the relationship.’
(Her father, Christopher Mitchell, to the DM)
Well, he's James Bond and she's not a skeleton. So yea, they're better.
Submitted by Kenneth G on Sat, 07/02/2011 - 10:04am.
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 10:04pm.
I don't care how hot or famous they are. I don't want random folks making out near the produce. It's bad enough obsessing about washing off the pesticides, sewer water, and diesel exhaust. When I rinse strawberries, I always picture the po' folks in Oxnard who hand-picked them. *back in the colander*
....you forgot the wire-haired saxophonists who enjoy hiding in fruit trucks and playing dangerous insertion games with plantains, cukes, and watermelons...
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Ok Kenneth, you know your prolapsed anus that you were mentioning the other day? (Thanks for that, by the way) When I see "dangerous insertion games" and "watermelon" in the same sentence, I can see how this unfortunate situation may have come about.
On the bright side, you didn't mention pineapples.
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Il faut écrire pour soi, avant tout, c'est la seule chance de faire beau ~Flaubert
Hunger for the Great Light
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 10:04pm.
I don't care how hot or famous they are. I don't want random folks making out near the produce. It's bad enough obsessing about washing off the pesticides, sewer water, and diesel exhaust. When I rinse strawberries, I always picture the po' folks in Oxnard who hand-picked them. *back in the colander*
....you forgot the wire-haired saxophonists who enjoy hiding in fruit trucks and playing dangerous insertion games with plantains, cukes, and watermelons...
She's so average looking and forgettable to me. So if SHE could get HIM, how come I never got him?
That guy's face looks like a leather couch I may or may not want to sit on
SO = significant other
PDA - public displays of affection.
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The McCanns Did It
I think the only thing Brad Pitt has been in love with for the past 4 years are those "meds" he is popping. He looks out of it!
Sweetas, you're doing a great job and your posts are hilarious, but too long.
If you cut them, your amazing sense of humor would be more apparent.
Centy xxoo
PS - Remember me when...;)
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GERONIMO!
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Sat, 07/02/2011 - 12:30am.
Then maybe just a well-washed salad. At least you'll stay healthy. :)
I posted a link on the Canada Day thread to Prince/Duke William trying some weak French in Québec. You cringe but feel glad that he's trying.
@Rusty
Dunno, I've been out of touch with raw romance for so long.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
(Just remember, Cow Appreciation Day is July 8th, with thanks to Becky)
Submitted by MickeyHolland on Sat, 07/02/2011 - 12:04am.
Can't you tingle at the raw romance but still wash your produce well?
Submitted by RustyHooligan on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 10:04pm.
"I don't care how hot or famous they are. I don't want random folks making out near the produce. It's bad enough obsessing about washing off the pesticides, sewer water, and diesel exhaust. When I rinse strawberries, I always picture the po' folks in Oxnard who hand-picked them. *back in the colander*"
LOL. I was starting to tingle all over from this post, but thanks to you my germaphobia took over.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
(Just remember, Cow Appreciation Day is July 8th, with thanks to Becky)
*rubbing my wet parts all over this post* This kind of sessiness is what celeb gossip should aim for.
Submitted by Uncle Brain-fart on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 9:59pm.
Thanks and BTW Queef Richards is the best part of the new Pirates movie Grandma Wrinkles!
"SOURCE totally owned your ass!"
lmao
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Well I guess, I should stick up for myself
But I really think it's better this way
The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care, right? Yeah
- The Offspring
LMFAO StanDup! And ty UBF♥. *takes notes*
I don't care how hot or famous they are. I don't want random folks making out near the produce. It's bad enough obsessing about washing off the pesticides, sewer water, and diesel exhaust. When I rinse strawberries, I always picture the po' folks in Oxnard who hand-picked them. *back in the colander*
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"if you're not wearing a shirt in your main facebook photo, you look like a douchebag. only trying to help you." (Brian Cano, SF, CA)
Submitted by Stan Dup on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 9:57pm.
I guess I'm a complete dick because I don't know what SO means and PDAing means.
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Neither do I! LOL. I have to tell you that every time I read one of your posts, I hear it in Keef Richards voice. I giggle every damn time.
*******
"Yeah, I'm like herpes.......I disappear for awhile but you can never get rid of me!"
Submitted by mahaatma on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 2:48pm.
@Stan
Siginificant Other
and
Public Display of Affection
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"I also have felt the nose heat of the man meat."
SFRB, 04/26/11
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http://www.youtube.com/user/beeper246#p/a/u/2/BrO86m4qAEs
I guess I'm a complete dick because I don't know what SO means and PDAing means.
Submitted by Callie on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 7:04pm.
Submitted by dcgirl on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 6:26pm.
Submitted by spankypants on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 3:14pm.
And you don't want to know what she did with the cucumber.
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I hate it when I'm selecting cucumbers to buy and a guy is near. I always assume he's having dirty thoughts.
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I know that's why I lick 'em. And you should see what I do with the cantaloupes.
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BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Callie -- I'd crack up if I saw you licking a cuke at the grocery store!!!
Submitted by dcgirl on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 6:26pm.
Submitted by spankypants on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 3:14pm.
And you don't want to know what she did with the cucumber.
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I hate it when I'm selecting cucumbers to buy and a guy is near. I always assume he's having dirty thoughts.
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I know that's why I lick 'em. And you should see what I do with the cantaloupes.
Snideychick sez:
As I said a a few days ago:
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
I was next in line for an angry sex coma!
*cries, and waits/hopes for their divorce*
He was just trying to distract her attention from the superior proportions of the bananas.
Aronofsky is a major dick and makes no effort to hide it. Rachel got tired of his shit and appreciated her old boyfriend's gentlemanly charm. I wish them happiness.
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"Go away, woman. My cheating medicine will not help you. Even if you win you will still be ugly." ~~ Christopher Moore, Coyote Blue
Submitted by spankypants on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 3:14pm.
And you don't want to know what she did with the cucumber.
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I hate it when I'm selecting cucumbers to buy and a guy is near. I always assume he's having dirty thoughts.
Hot, Love them both, good for them, can't wait for the new Bond flick and even more hopefully thier honeymoon sex tape!
I find them both to be hot. I wouldn't mind began the vegan cheese in that sandwich.
Craig isn't classically handsome but he exudes this sexual energy and masculinity and danger.
There hasn't been this much action in the produce aisle since Mrs Dean Wormer and Eric Stratton fondled a cucumber.
LMAO at Brangelina being taken down by a bunch of bananas.
*pictures a bunch of really pissed off ninja bananas*
I wish someone would kiss ME passionately by the bananas! *side eyes Chirio*
Everyone was so shocked but I thought they were a couple forever, see Brangie, some Hollyweird people's lives aren't part of my everyday thoughts
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"WE ARE THE TRIFECTA OF HATE ENTER THE TRIANGLE." Sucky 6/14/11
His eyes are too beady.
Rachel is one lucky ho,in my opinion the bananas too
I never thought he was hot but I'd totally lez out for her. That aside, WTF @ the source's description??
"They looked more in love and sexier than Brad and Angelina."
Hehehe...I bet the *source* was Jennifer Anniston, in a trench coat and fake glasses and moustache whispering into a public phone.
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En mon bonheur
Produce always turns me on.
*******
"Yeah, I'm like herpes.......I disappear for awhile but you can never get rid of me!"
Submitted by mahaatma on Tue, 06/28/2011 - 2:48pm.
Well, there's just something about all those hard, swollen, ripened, bananas nestling cheekily together..
*dabbing at damp brow*
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En mon bonheur
Submitted by Twat Muffin on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 3:39pm.
Jintess -- oh, Kevin Spacey "inspires the humps" in me. I know he's gay and I'm a chick, but I find him extremely attractive; must be all that talent and the dimples. And I think Daniel Craig is way hot in an ugly/sexy way. Rachel is a bowl of day-old oatmeal IMO.
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Agree, except sometimes Rachel can look kinda pretty, but mostly she haz boringz.
Kebbin Spacey, now yer TALKIN'!
Never had a craving for a banana until now.
Submitted by citizenstrange on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 3:29pm.
" Daniel suddenly pulled Rachel to him in the middle of produce and gave her a passionate kiss, right next to the bananas."
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Then Daniel took Rachel to the seafood section after she asked him to kiss her where it stinks. COME ON!!!
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Oh SHIT, that gave me the gigglez. Thanks.
"right next to the bananas" is cracking me up idk why.
TEAM DID IT BY THE BANANAS
Everyone keeps missing the point. The only thing that matters is that they are hot for each other.
People crack me up when they put their opinion about how they find some people hot or not. It's not about y'all!!!!!!
I'm interested of what the bananas have to say!
lol
I thought Daniel Craig was married....ooooh well. hmmm.
Coma Caca!
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Submitted by Twat Muffin on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 3:39pm.
Jintess -- oh, Kevin Spacey "inspires the humps" in me. I know he's gay and I'm a chick, but I find him extremely attractive; must be all that talent and the dimples. And I think Daniel Craig is way hot in an ugly/sexy way. Rachel is a bowl of day-old oatmeal IMO.
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I feel ya..Swimming With Sharks made me absolutely fall in love with Spacey's acting.
As far as if he was just walking down the street? I can't say I'd bother to show some leg.
Craig wouldn't even get a cankle.
I'm glad he's happy though. Good for both of them