Chic C'est La NO!

I just got back from spending the evening with my family at the luxurious beachside enclave that is Brighton Beach where we feasted on overcooked old fish and flat soda water at the most prestigious Russian seafood restaurant with a zero point Zagat rating, so this is the perfect video for me to end my day with. This is The Real Housewives of NYC's Countess LuAnn dragging Jill Zarin and a bag of leather beans through the Borgata Hotel in Atlantic City, because when you think of "Chic C'est La Vie," you automatically think of an old Jersey whore giving a $2 hand job on the boardwalk. I know I do.

But real talk, that video is just a ridiculous piece of shit wrapped in old lady tragedy. Jill Zarin belongs in a music video as much as a clit belongs in my asshole. It's not right. It's also not right that Cuntess LuMann sounds like an Eartha Kitt fart and looks like a man alien in Teri Hatcher drag. This is what it looks like when a hot flash and a cold queef collide.

via Popeater

Posted by: Michael K

•

Real Housewives Shit • Truly Awful Music

Submitted by herbertcv on Sun, 09/11/2011 - 10:14am.

This really answered my downside, thank you!
Generic Levitra overprecise

Submitted by Capitanne on Fri, 07/01/2011 - 10:47am.

ONTD! Painful, pathetic. Who watches these social climbing neuvo riche nobodies? They are all awful excuses for human beings.

Submitted by Chrisantemus on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 9:51pm.

I hope this ushers in the death of rap music, much like that Donald Duck song in the 70's killed Disco.

By the way MK, you should totally copyright "Cuntess LuMann".

Submitted by mouthylegs on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 3:44pm.

THIS is what she calls "living with dignity"???

"Women are so addicted to attention that if prostitution were legal, it would also be free."
- Dick Masterson

Submitted by UFLauren on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 1:31pm.

The Countess goes from being beautiful to tranny in a milisecond. Hmmm....

'Never mess with a chick with lip liner, no lipstick'

Submitted by Evil_Cupcake on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 11:29am.

Smoke another pack of cigarettes, Countess.

Submitted by ladystink on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 11:24am.

Cut to Bethenny....laughing her ass off!

Submitted by Pure Trash on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 9:28am.

Awfully high production value for a few turds floating in a toilet in Atlantic City.

Submitted by boston61 on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 9:19am.

Lou-Man. I don't dislike her but I do think she is mentally ill.

Submitted by Kandykane on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 8:13am.

God help us I thought that was my grandmother on my father's side. She has smoker's voice too.

Submitted by agirl on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 7:56am.

I don't give a chocolate-covered shit about these ho-ho-housewives, but I LOVE BRIGHTON BEACH!!! Woot!

That is all.

Submitted by Bitingontinfoil on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 7:14am.

"Lifestyles of the Bitch & Shameless"!

============
YOU AIN'T GOT NO MONEY!!!! MOVE THE FUCK ON!
~But.Seriously.Folks

Submitted by chasing windmills on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 7:03am.

I guess one way to shut down the rap industry is to continually have stupid ass self absorbed white middle class women dip into the industry. Stop already. Who keeps encouraging this crazy no talent bitch?

Takes one to know one. I know I can't sing so I keep my trap shut and I don't pretend that rapping is singing. Idiot. Thank God we don't run in the same circles. We would keep that bitch real. Real quick as in STFU

Submitted by WhiskeyTango on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 6:56am.

The Countess needs to talk to Alex's husband on how to make a proppa music video.

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""There is no chicken or egg. It's molecular." - Lady Gaga

Submitted by chasing windmills on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 6:54am.

f a c e l i f t that looks like a face stretch. Yikes.
These woman believe they hype.
Recast everyone.

Submitted by greeneggs on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 6:50am.

Horrific. Lots of "indicating". Sorry LuAnn, but STOP already. Just the worst.

Submitted by Hekki on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 6:21am.

Ugh. The Cuntess gets points from me for staying brunette and having good bone structure and a toned athletic body. Everything else about her SUCKS.

Oh, and her kids are nice-looking.

Submitted by zachhcaz on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 5:58am.

Rebecca Black + 100mg Botox + 30yrs sun damage = Luann

Submitted by guest on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 5:49am.

The only time the Countess will be somewhat acceptable is when she's about 80 & lounging on a chaise with her ciggy in a cigarette holder like this old timey one.

http://www.google.com/m/search?site=images&source=mog&gl=us&client=ms-an...

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Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Sat, 06/11/2011 - 9:32am.
It's ok to be a redneck by the way.. just don't yell git 'er done because we all hate that.

Submitted by DirtyWhoreMouth on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 5:46am.

CE N'EST PAS BON!!!

Was I the only one waiting for Kelly Bensimon to bust her ass?

______________________________________________
"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."

*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-

Submitted by DeeDee on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 5:22am.

Why do these hos think they can sing?

Submitted by Bossy on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 5:06am.

Submitted by fishsticksfan on Wed, 06/29/2011 - 10:24pm.

I'm sorry to say she looks exactly like Eva Longoria in that still screen.

Yeah, don't see that at all. Not if I squint, not if I back away from my computer. Not if I back away from my computer AND squint. She looks more like a drag queen or something than Eva Longoria.

Submitted by Vern on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 5:03am.

Laughing all the way to the bank, this Coldtessa is.

*chanting as always*

Submitted by letinstar on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 4:59am.

wow..isn't the countess too fucking old for this nonsense?
_____________________________________________
Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent...

Submitted by suckandfuck on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 4:16am.

listen to that soul aborting CACKLE!

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Submitted by stinkbutt on Mon, 03/29/2010 - 5:47pm.
suckandfuck, do us all a favor, and hang yourself. Oh, and your parents should be shot for raising a disgusting pig like yourself.

Submitted by French Mofo on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 4:10am.

Try again, talentless pétasse.

Submitted by Flatbush Hooker... on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 4:08am.

Russians don't make seafood MK if you want to experience real russian food and go to Mari Vana in flatiron
Its ethnic russian and you will LOVE their decor!

**********
Fist Pump!

Submitted by SpacemanSpiff on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 4:00am.

Is that hot piece at the end Joe Gorga?

Submitted by suckandfuck on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 3:57am.

and I'll bring the diamonds!!

WHO THE FUCK WOULD EVER WANT TO BE AROUND THESE SAGGING THINGS? WHO???????????????????????????

Submitted by angel_i on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 3:28am.

OMGLOL! I left this running....I swear to God I thought FOR SURE she was gonna say: "Ramona bring that penis!" LOLOLOLOL!

♥ Threadkilla!
Girls watch porn too!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6478389/girls-watch-porn-too

Submitted by angel_i on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 3:25am.

I ALWAYS think she's Lisa Rinna for a hot minute.

Nevermind "sing", this bitch can't even talk.

♥ Threadkilla!
Girls watch porn too!:
http://www.collegehumor.com/video/6478389/girls-watch-porn-too

Submitted by Emeriesan on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 3:17am.

HAHAHAHAHAHA! This is hilarious! Totally minging video and I kinda like this 90s-dance style tune! This is totally going to be my new guilty pleasure!

Submitted by Lucifer_Sam on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 2:41am.

No idea who this asswipe is.

Submitted by YourClothesAreDead on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 2:30am.

Ugh, Tween Music.

Submitted by GossipNaked on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 2:29am.

Submitted by heathen on Wed, 06/29/2011 - 9:56pm.
As bad as it is, it is still better than Simon's "I'm Real." Have you heard that mess? I don't understand why these housewives (and Simon) feel the need to have singing "careers" when, you know, they can't actually sign.

My husband and I are still damaged from that! And does Alex actually believe that anyone is buying her sham marriage? Hell Simon, just be gay and marry a dude! Who fucking cares? It's 2011. Gay marriage is legal in NY now! That's why you marched! Tell Sonja to stick it in her fucking gold-digging fake nouveau riche pie hole for not letting you speak! Just sayin'....

Submitted by Detective_LaToya on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 1:36am.

I know so many truly talented starving musicians but tone deaf no-talent ho-wives get recording contracts. Sometimes I completely hate this world.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"You are fucking bitches, this is my prom!"

Submitted by Hello Kitty Ho ... on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 1:30am.

I thought she was getting divorced and is no longer a Cuntess.

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Submitted by Tigerlilly on Tue, 06/21/2011 - 6:49pm.

Women make me sick. There I said it.

Submitted by Team Valtrex on Tue, 06/21/2011 - 6:53pm.

Have you tried them cooked?

Submitted by Juniperjump on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 1:20am.

'Ramona, bring the Pinot.' Lol

Submitted by Chris Knight on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 12:30am.

Is she Eva Mendez' mother?

Submitted by not shocked on Thu, 06/30/2011 - 12:17am.

Hungarian Trannyface

Submitted by OVO-606 on Wed, 06/29/2011 - 11:50pm.

I actually prefer that Norwegian "crappy housewife" tune /video to this fuckery. And also, after a while I keep hearing "cheap, c'est la vie".

They're so full of themselves, ugh.

Submitted by hi_thurr on Wed, 06/29/2011 - 11:43pm.

MK -

The first half of this post is f*cking hilarious. You should do a post about your daily life every day, no matter how small or large the event. You just have a knack for making the mundane magical. don't get me wrong, I love the way you pepper in bits of humor and insight into every post, but just one entry dedicated to your daily routine would surely be an epic win.

Submitted by pamorama_j on Wed, 06/29/2011 - 11:16pm.

I couldn't even watch a full minute of this chota!! Ohhhh-mah-gawwwwwd!! PAIN-FRICKIN-FUL to watch!!! A drag queen, a narcissistic biznatch and a whack job!!! Famous for WHAT? Self-indulgence, backstabbing, greed, materialistic, self-absorbed witches!! MY EYES, MY EARS!! STOP THE INSANITY!! Who is cutting records for these no-talents??? Actually, pretty hilarious watching their "attempts" at dancing and rocking out while rolling in the limo!! Bethenny, you got out JUST IN TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Submitted by Stoney on Wed, 06/29/2011 - 10:09pm.

_____________________________________________
Why are you even going through this when you should have just asked stoney to guest blog fucking duh!!

"Let s/he who is without sin, cast the first Stoney."

Submitted by vsminimoose on Wed, 06/29/2011 - 9:55pm.

I'm in Sheepshead! You should have visited me! The rooskies and their seafood. No thanks.

Submitted by MickeyHolland on Wed, 06/29/2011 - 9:46pm.

Submitted by becky n sydney on Wed, 06/29/2011 - 11:06pm.

Thanks for the warning, Becky! Now I know why all the appreciation always goes right by me, tee-hee.

*ducks to avoid Meatblock's impending comment on "rejection shit"*

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Who are you calling silly cow?

(Just remember, Cow Appreciation Day is July 15th)

Submitted by viridian on Wed, 06/29/2011 - 9:42pm.

I can't stop laughing.....I can't believe the words "fabulous and feminine" came out of that tranny's mouth.....and then she started singing about DIGNITY! Bwaaaahhahhhahaaa!

Submitted by becky n sydney on Wed, 06/29/2011 - 9:36pm.

@ MickeyHolland
Someone* posted late last night that "Cow Appreciation Day" is on July 8th - it was the 15th last year.

*Sorry to the poster - I can't remember you name. :(

Submitted by ritzyroxie on Wed, 06/29/2011 - 9:33pm.

"Find your dreams within yourself, dignity is the key"

I DON'T THINK SO, BITCH!

Jesus, that sucked ass. I was hoping for a Sonja cameo! That might have saved this mess.

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If it was me, I'd pat that bitch on her mouth lips and tell her, "What's going on here? I hate you. Seal them together."-MK on Fishtsicks Paltrow