Bristol Payless Flip Flops
The Patron Saint of Unwed Mothers, Bristol Palin, dropped a bomb in her book "Not Afraid of Life: My Journey So Far" that the suave and charming Levi Johnston stealth ninja'd in and "stole" her virginity in the night. Basically ho got so drunk on wine coolers (Really? Fucking wine coolers??) that she woke up with a not-so-fresh feeling the next morning and no idea what had happened till she heard Levi bragging to his friends outside of the tent. That Levi, so dapper.
Since that scenario caused a lot of people to pull the date rape card on Levi, Bristol decided to clarify her shit a little on GMA. She basically flip flopped and said "I'm not accusing Levi of date rape or rape at all. But I'm just looking back with the adult eyes I now have and just thinking, 'That was a foolish decision.'"
Translation: Okay, maybe it wasn't all Levi's fault that I was a drunk slut. Accountability: get some. We all did stupid shit as teenagers and I know her babydaddy is a worthless piece of trash, but own your shit ho. I'd like to cry "rape" for some of the embarassing "oh no I di'int" shit I've done under the influence, but I just cried on the inside as I did the walk of shame like any normal slut does. Suck it up, hillbilly.
via ABC News
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Submitted by Preferred Username on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 2:36pm.
One time I got out of my friend's truck at my boyfriend's house, she parked next to the ditch, and I fell in! My boyfriend wasn't speaking to me at the time but he did walk over, look down and laugh at my sprawled drunken ass.
My friend later said, "There you were, and then there you weren't. Like you disappeared man!"
Good times, good times.
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bwaaahhaaa thats way to funny!!!
Sweetas, this post is one of the funniest I've read on here. Gold star.
The other guy..I don't really get his posts *shrugs*
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"It's always funny until somebody gets hurt-then it's fucking hilarious": The late great Bill Hicks
my virginity was "stolen" too - over and over again! there - am i also absolved of bad decisions involving alcohol and dongs? this ham-faced twat needs to STFU already.
Really? After 2 fucking years NOW your whispering he took advantage of you? Sorry, they are ALL white trash.
"Sure, I like a cocktail every now and again. And the last I checked, it was now".
"I just cried on the inside as I did the walk of shame like any normal slut does" - amen to that, sistah sweetas!
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"And people try to tell me that God wasn't high on the good shit when he made this place" -by angel_i
"I just cried on the inside as I did the walk of shame like any normal slut does" - amen to that, sistah sweetas!
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"And people try to tell me that God wasn't high on the good shit when he made this place" -by angel_i
Being that I have to work and sweat paying my bills like most of us, it intrigues me to think about these folk who's parents are so rich they never need to do any real work ever.
We have bristol, of course. As I said, she gets to appear in the media to talk about chastity--a subject she only knows from the failed side--just so that media types can curry favor with her mom and try to get mom on their media outlets.
And then levi "If she can't say no, then she's my ho!" rape-boi. After his drunken rocks-off episode with the daughter of a celebrity, all he had to do was to marry her, treat her decently, and he had it made for the rest of his life.
Well, said shit-stompin hayseed sold out his rape-victim for 30 pieces of silver and left millions of pieces of silver on the table for whatever other hayseed can convince bristol to marry him and board the gravy train.
Well, back to work--already married and I don't think bristol is looking for middle aged doughboys anyhoo.
PS. Dude with goat-ass beard is bad news for bristol--ain't gonna go the distance....
"Translation: Okay, maybe it wasn't all Levi's fault that I was a drunk slut. Accountability: get some. We all did stupid shit as teenagers and I know her babydaddy is a worthless piece of trash, but own your shit ho. I'd like to cry "rape" for some of the embarassing "oh no I di'int" shit I've done under the influence, but I just cried on the inside as I did the walk of shame like any normal slut does. Suck it up, hillbilly."
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Is this the most priceless summary I've read in months !?! Has to be.
Levi was a lot better looking than that Amish-looking piece of trash. Dumb slut.
.
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Moose knuckle meets camel toe...not a pretty sight.
LMFAO PT Bull!!!! GOLD!!! Bitch, puhleazuh. *facepalm* lolololz
Let's let chrissy crocker weigh in on the issue:
http://youtu.be/O6Bqf23u-40
Off topic, but this shit is pure gold.
http://youtu.be/lXufzaRnN8w
I was 15 (shut it!! I was an OLD in NC where I lived! lol) and we had dated for almost a year. It hurt like hell. It took him several tries to even get it in lol. But it got soooo much better, hence the slut I am today. *proud*
PS. Just observing that she can't even take responsibility for shit she says in her book. Considering she has an extremely accomplished mom (whether one likes sarah's politics or not), bristol sure can't get out of the victim end of the pool. Backpedaling seems to be her sole mode of locomotion.
So I was 24 *cough*
*crickets*.
He was a friend and roommate...we were together for 4-1/2 years after that. It didn't hurt at all...the whole thing was actually very sweet. I dated his friend before I dated him and um...dude had the biggest wang I have ever seen. I'm very petite and that sucker would have split me in half! No way. PLus he just turned out to be a douche so I am SO GLAD I did not get on that.
PS. Sweetie, I know the boss is out of town, but I don't think we need to dial it back... The category is 'bitch, puhleease!'
Back in the stone age, I dated a gal who claimed she had been raped by dude. Also, she said he carelessly gave her a bloody nose with his elbow. Well, she moved on from yours truly and next I hear, she is dating rape-boy. When I was young I didn't understand that the forces of the female heart can be unfathomable. Guess my own heart didn't have the greatest judgement either...
PS. I felt this gal was kind of goody goody, and may have been more comfortable outsourcing her sexual responsibility to an exciting/dangerous bad boy. Dick without guilt--and victimhood as a bonus.
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Submitted by quickkill on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 7:11pm.
Would you get engaged to a guy that date raped you ?
I am a libertarian not a republican, but nonetheless a conservative (obsessing about man-on-man lovin' is not conservative, its religious).
So, I listen to conservative talk radio ocassionally. Yesterday Rush said he would have this little baby mamma on the show. So, she gets drunk, has a baby with some shit-stompin hayseed who can't be bothered to be a husband or father.
Her life achievement to date is getting drunk and taking rod, and she is on conservative talk radio?
Also, since she put her sluttish chubby thighs in the public domain, let me be the first to say that she is one ugly spud--not everybody can get ugly on their very first plastic surgery.
Submitted by catholicschoolgirl on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 5:17pm.
Submitted by Bjork You on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 4:08pm.
It's because of Bristol's story, along with the ones that I'm reading in this thread, that I have remained a virgin.
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DAMMIT!
*pours out wine coolers, rolls up sleeping bag, throws away Barry White mix CD*
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I only cum to Gilbert O'Sullivan and wind down to Eric Carmen (8-trak thankyouverymuch).
She looks sooooo much prettier without that rubber thing in her chin.
Oh fer christ sake-you opened your legs,ya got knocked up and it takes 2 dear….will these fucking Palin grifters ever fucking well accept responsibility for anything?
This kinda shit totally fucks it up for the women who have been raped…
Take your fat ass back to Alaska,shut up and stay there….
I could kill McCain… he's the reason we all know who these hillbillys are...
"NOSOPD -Not our sort of person darling"
Submitted by quickkill on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 7:11pm.
Would you get engaged to a guy that date raped you ?
--
You'd be surprised at how often that happens. Anyway, if she was raped I truly believe she had no idea before the press came down on her. a) because she's stupid and b) because her ilk believes rape is something that only happens to sluts who bring it upon themselves.
It's very simple, Bristol: if you were so drunk that you don't actually remember it happening, you were in no condition to consent and therefore you were raped.
I'm usually not one to doubt a woman claiming rape, even when it's a dumbass like Bristol, but some people have said before, and I have to agree, that it all reads like skewered Xtian erotica - the naive virgin girl did not sin, she was pushed into it. Only too late she realised - because let's face it, Palin's people don't know the first thing about rape and its victims; look at the way Sarah treated rape victims when she was Governor - that she was actually accusing Levi of a CRIME and that he could, I don't know, prosecute for defamation.
Would you get engaged to a guy that date raped you ? She is a loathsome skank like her mother. Own up to the fact that you were a drunk hillbilly, and stop your lying white trash mouth.
when will she show accountability for her new face? when she looks at it through over tucked eyes?
So is Bristol sayin' that ONE time is when she got knocked up? Methinks it was the fucking like a bunny every day afterwards that mighta done it.
Suck it up, hillbilly!!!!
Own it, hillbilly!!!
Quit blowin' smoke up our ass, hillbilly!!!
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*dreams James Haven is my baby daddy*
NITE SKANKS...
and Bat_Boy, I was just funnin' with ya...but if you wake up in the mornin' all itchy and inflamed in your nether regions, it's all on Sweetas and Jacko...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Losing my virginity was how I realized I'm allergic to latex. The condom wrapped (small) dick went in, disappointed me, and when it came back out, I had hives, a rash for 3 days, and a thought of "THIS is sex? What's the big fucking deal?". At least I learned to buy non-latex condoms from then on.
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I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule.
Submitted by Bat_Boy on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 6:33pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly: Thanks! A lot of A.D.D. in highschool, subsequent bong hits, hood rat stuff, straight up ho'in and cheap wine went into that comment...I think MK would want it to shine like some cheap assed discounted/$4.95 flex pay jewelry on QVC..
...er, and not for nothin'... but you ass missin' some commas up in you grammatical Kool-Aid, so...you kinda shiney too...SHINE ON HO! :-D. It's all good...
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He would. It would light up the little Charlie-Brown-Christmas-tree in his heart.
Yeah, sometimes my shit gets wonky. Y'all standards too high for me!
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Um, Bat_Boy, this here's DListed...there ain't no standards....
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
Submitted by mahaatma on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 6:29pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 6:16pm.
Submitted by mahaatma on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 6:10pm.
"outside the tent?" WTF?
"drunk on wine coolers?" WTF???????? Is that even possible?
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I think it's more like a sugar coma. Yeah, that shit's pretty much a diabetic coma in a bottle...but I hear it makes for great sex....Kinda like the poor man's roofies apparently...*eyeroll*...
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AAAhahahahah!!!!! poor man's roofie = 3 wine coolers, 2 Benadryls, and half a cheap pizza...
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... in my neck of the woods that's a rehearsal dinner...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
bristol doesn't know the meaning of "abstinence" so how could she possibly know what "rape" means...
i bet a shiny penny she probably got drunk on boone's farm to get her courage and mauled levi first...
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Charisma, Uniqueness, Nerve and Talent...
Submitted by Tigerlilly on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 6:16pm.
Submitted by mahaatma on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 6:10pm.
"outside the tent?" WTF?
"drunk on wine coolers?" WTF???????? Is that even possible?
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I think it's more like a sugar coma. Yeah, that shit's pretty much a diabetic coma in a bottle...but I hear it makes for great sex....Kinda like the poor man's roofies apparently...*eyeroll*...
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
AAAhahahahah!!!!! poor man's roofie = 3 wine coolers, 2 Benadryls, and half a cheap pizza...
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*dreams James Haven is my baby daddy*
Submitted by Tigerlilly: Thanks! A lot of A.D.D. in highschool, subsequent bong hits, hood rat stuff, straight up ho'in and cheap wine went into that comment...I think MK would want it to shine like some cheap assed discounted/$4.95 flex pay jewelry on QVC..
...er, and not for nothin'... but you ass missin' some commas up in you grammatical Kool-Aid, so...you kinda shiney too...SHINE ON HO! :-D. It's all good...
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He would. It would light up the little Charlie-Brown-Christmas-tree in his heart.
Yeah, sometimes my shit gets wonky. Y'all standards too high for me!
That be the new face.
"Own your shit ho." My new motto, courtesy of Sweetas! You and Jack are doing a great job!
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"Go away, woman. My cheating medicine will not help you. Even if you win you will still be ugly." ~~ Christopher Moore, Coyote Blue
Submitted by mahaatma on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 6:10pm.
"outside the tent?" WTF?
"drunk on wine coolers?" WTF???????? Is that even possible?
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I think it's more like a sugar coma. Yeah, that shit's pretty much a diabetic coma in a bottle...but I hear it makes for great sex....Kinda like the poor man's roofies apparently...*eyeroll*...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
My first time (at 18) was a mortifying mix of giant sea cucumber dick and 'flatmate interruptus'. I vowed I'd never have sex again after that.
Didn't quite keep to my word.
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Masturbation is not a GD game of Clue, there is no reason to head to the broom closet with a rope and a lead pipe. --michelleb
Submitted by Bat_Boy on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 5:49pm.
Submitted by Tigerlilly: You know Bristol was allovadat like some stank on shit. Bitch be the uber horny type. You can tell. And good thing Levi got him summadat when bitch was still semi-hot (I'm being nice cuzawhat comes next), cuz this bitch destined to be one FAT HORNY SLORE of a teabaggin' soccer mom. She'll be the type men LOVES though, cuz bitch will do ANYTHING in bed...not cuz she's fat, nope, bitch just a dawg in heat...Levi nailed her when she was a poodle in heat...Dudes with beer goggles gonna pound that meat wallet just as hard when she's a St. Bernard in heat. AND.IT.WILL.HAPPEN...
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Your lack of gramatical ability superb use of vernacular makes this comment shine. It's very MK'esque.
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Thanks! A lot of A.D.D. in highschool, subsequent bong hits, hood rat stuff, straight up ho'in and cheap wine went into that comment...I think MK would want it to shine like some cheap assed discounted/$4.95 flex pay jewelry on QVC..
...er, and not for nothin'... but you ass missin' some commas up in you grammatical Kool-Aid, so...you kinda shiney too...SHINE ON HO! :-D. It's all good...
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Sorry, Roger, you are tiger now...
"outside the tent?" WTF?
"drunk on wine coolers?" WTF???????? Is that even possible?
Yeeeee-haaaaa!!!! Let the moose shit fly!
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*dreams James Haven is my baby daddy*
Is that her new face or her old face??
Are we telling sex stories? First time was at my parents' house during finals week (half days = no supervision). I was 16 and that was my asshole stalker boyfriend. Eh. Now the hot piece I dated from 17-21, we had some good times :-)
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I refreshed the page and my PENIS WAS GONE! -- SugarFreeRedBull, MicroPenis Advocate
Beautiful skewering of Bristol Appalling, Sweetas!!
The Moody Blues Go Now
whoops- double post
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You're simple, you're shallow, you're a common whore. That's why we're soul mates. ~Karen Walker
I'm LOLing at all these cherry poppin' stories. I was lucky that I'd had surgery to remove some tissue down there when I was 14 so when I first did the deed at 16, there was no pain. Wasn't drunk either. We did it in my room while my mom was at work.
As far as can teens have good sex? oh hell yeah, my first boyfriend was the best at oral that I've ever had. I often wondered how he knew so much at 16 how to please a girl. But then again, I really didn't want to know. lol My 2nd boyfriend was better at the actual sex though. We'd do it 2-3 times a night. Maybe I was a big nympho ho but I was having the big O every time we did it from Day 1.
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You're simple, you're shallow, you're a common whore. That's why we're soul mates. ~Karen Walker
How else would you have me?
Bat_Boy,
LOL-ing at your use of the word 'grammatical' spelled incorrectly.
Submitted by Tigerlilly: You know Bristol was allovadat like some stank on shit. Bitch be the uber horny type. You can tell. And good thing Levi got him summadat when bitch was still semi-hot (I'm being nice cuzawhat comes next), cuz this bitch destined to be one FAT HORNY SLORE of a teabaggin' soccer mom. She'll be the type men LOVES though, cuz bitch will do ANYTHING in bed...not cuz she's fat, nope, bitch just a dawg in heat...Levi nailed her when she was a poodle in heat...Dudes with beer goggles gonna pound that meat wallet just as hard when she's a St. Bernard in heat. AND.IT.WILL.HAPPEN...
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Your lack of gramatical ability superb use of vernacular makes this comment shine. It's very MK'esque.
Add me to the I-lost-my-virginity-to-a-gigantic-wang group. This may be TMI, but we'd "tried" to have sex for months and it just was not happening. I was entirely too petite for his big ol' weiner...once we did though, I pretty much slept with every guy that I could. I completely used him to teach me all about sex, but he was a fairly eager participant.
Also add me to the lost-my-virginity-in-the-backseat group. Who knew my mom's Volvo would be so romantic?
LOL, SWEETAS! GREAT POST! Haven't read all the comments, but Palin is a useless whore(and I mean both mother and daughter). That is all.
Sucky 12/14/09 Motherfucker, I lick pits for a living
LawDog 03/15/2010 Leenie, LOL. I think we can all agree that I am the most important person ever Salacious 7/15/10 Thank you Leenie! You made me smile like a 19th century whore who got overpaid
btw the title of this post is misleading because I thought it was about Payless Flip Flops...which I am really down with not Bristol Palin flip flopping on rape...next time do a post on Payless Flip Flops far more interesting!!!
Submitted by Bjork You on Mon, 06/27/2011 - 4:08pm.
It's because of Bristol's story, along with the ones that I'm reading in this thread, that I have remained a virgin.
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IF you do it in the butt it doesn't count.
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"Bitch, your pancakes look fine to me."
*swoon* at DWM... such a BITCH! by Jack-n-the-