GOOPY Has Flaws?!
Fishsticks Paltrow admits that contrary to the fact that her picture is next to the word "perfect" in Webster's Dictionary, the Baccarat crystal facade that covers her is riddled with imperfections! This is like finding out that swans queef. MIND BLOWN. Instead of just straight telling you what Fishy's main flaw is, let's play a game. Below are 8 possibilities for you to choose from. GO!
a) Sometimes she sneezes in an American accent.
b) She once watched a McDonald's commercial in its entirety and didn't roll her eyes once.
c) Whenever her polenta (which she grounds herself using organic corn from her roof garden) refuses to not be lumpy, she whispers into its lumps: "Why won't you be perfect? Stop being so fat and lumpy. I fucking hate you, you cunt polenta."
d) She made the decision to marry Chris Martin.
e) When she takes a day trip to India to meditate with the Dalai Lama on a grassy knoll in the hills of McLeodganj, her stubborn British tongue makes it impossible for her to say "thank you" in Tibetan without an accent.
f) Her shit "plops" instead of "dings" when it hits the toilet water.
g) Her palate can't tell the difference between Evian and Volvic.
h) She doesn't get an allergic reaction in the form of a crotch rash when she puts on a pair of polyester panties.
If you answered, "ALL OF THEM," you're probably right, but Fishy only admitted one to USA Today in an interview. Fishy went with "c." Fishy wishes that everything she touched turned to perfection and it kills her that it doesn't. Of course. Midas is laughing his ass off at her right now.
"One of my most negative qualities is the perfectionism that I have, and I think that I unconsciously project that because it comes from self-doubt and insecurity and that's the ironic part. I'm so deeply flawed. I'm just a normal mother with the same struggles as any other mother who's trying to do everything at once and trying to be a wife and maintain a relationship. There's absolutely nothing perfect about my life, but I just try hard."
Fishy shouldn't be so hard on herself. Especially, because at last night's Shine On event (judging by her greasy ass face, she obviously thought it was a theme), she was every shade of perfect. Looking like a lubed-up uncut peen with extra droopy foreskin while posing with Meryl Streep and Kathy Ireland = PERFECTION.
Wireimage (Thanks, Lucy)
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Submitted by fishsticksfan on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:38am.
Exactly! No guy who runs like that could ever ever ever be hot. With his wrists turned back like that?
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Well, truth be told, I never thought he was that hot to begin with and I'd rather have my ear drums ripped out with a couple of rusty spoons then have to listen to a Coldplay album. But any hot he may have had, yeah, completely erased by that sissy run.
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Honey badger don't give a shit.
Submitted by IrishFury on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:40am.
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I'm so incredibly hot for you right now.
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The physical appearance of the please makes no difference.
@ Jack - maybe I'm one of your ex's!
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Dark-sided!
Submitted by IrishFury on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:40am.
I enjoy torturing men at a rather disturbing rate.
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Have we met?
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Here’s to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one
A pretty girl and an honest one
A cold beer – and another one
k) I was born on third base and believe that means I hit a triple
I breastfed all my kids on Mr. Fury's side of the bed so if they barfed or spat up a little breastmilk, it was all on his side. I didn't tell him until the last one was weaned.
I also told him that I put breastmilk in his coffee, along with creamer, just for fun. I'd only do it on occasion, so as to make him believe I was doing it. He was grossed out. I'd subtly smile as I watched him drink a coffee every few weeks, or when he was done, I'd ask him if it had been creamy enough. I was usually breastfeeding when I'd ask him. He stopped taking coffee from me and still to this day worries I actually did it.
I never admitted if I did it or not but I still enjoy his occasional discomfort and the look he gives me if anyone around us mentions breastmilk or feeding (which is very rare) so I make sure to never miss the opportunity to give him that suble look and smirk.
I enjoy torturing men at a rather disturbing rate.
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Dark-sided!
There's one tag missing in action, namely: "What the hell kind of goddamn outfit is this?". Furthermore, this snobbery snob should lay off the botox, because her face is resembling a shiny bogey here.
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Who are you calling silly cow?
This bitch just doesn't stop....now she's claiming she's not perfect. Who would have thought? I thought she was the most perfect woman in the galaxy...I really did. Who? Gwenyth? Oh, she's just perfect darling....just perrrrrfect. (rolls eyes so hard, my contacts fall out)
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Don't hate me cause I'm DLeautiful
Submitted by louise_brooks on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:35am.
I don't know if it's smart or assholey, but it's definitely weird. It reminded me of the Seinfeld episode where Molly Shannon doesn't swing her arms and then at the end of episode she goes in and knocks everything off of Elaine's desk.
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Exactly! No guy who runs like that could ever ever ever be hot. With his wrists turned back like that?
Submitted by SnarkAttack on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:28am.
I love it when people say their biggest flaw is that they're too perfect. It's like what you're taught to say at job interviews. "I work too hard!" "I'm too friendly!" Soooo not real.
haha. "You'll have to give me the keys to the office because I'm definitely going to be coming in to work on the weekends."
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"Fuck that guy for thinking anybody and everybody should want to do Glee." - Dave Grohl
Submitted by fishsticksfan on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:27am.
I don't know if it's smart or assholey, but it's definitely weird. It reminded me of the Seinfeld episode where Molly Shannon doesn't swing her arms and then at the end of episode she goes in and knocks everything off of Elaine's desk.
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Honey badger don't give a shit.
Flaw #1...I cuss way too much & my favorite cuss word is f-u-c-k.
"not so fast tom ryan..."
Submitted by snowpiece on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:32am.
RUN CHRIS RUN!
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Wtf is his problem?!?! LMAO!!! If you don't want to be there then don't go. If you want to be there, suck it up and scowl at the paps. But running away like that seems super paranoid.
RUN CHRIS RUN!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"Why won't you be perfect? Stop being so fat and lumpy. I fucking hate you, you cunt polenta."
Oh, shut up Paltrow.
Her makeup looks bad here, but her hair looks worse. It always gives me some satisfaction. I do think she is an attractive-ish woman, but her hair looks like shit about 75% of the time. I think it is the wackadoo diets she's constantly on, and the compulsive workouts.
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"Hooooooty who give an eff about Haiti?! I don't! BAM!" - MK as Taylor Momsen
OMG this has to be one of the biggest:
I'm watching old Apprentice (right now!) and I'm so unbeweaveably amused by Joan Rivers verbally bitch slapping Clint Black and selling earrings from QVC SIMULTANEOUSLY that I have to come here and type it out.
♥ Threadkilla!
Every nation ridicules other nations, and all are right.
~Arthur Schopenhauer
Submitted by Slurpee on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:26am.
And I love when a guy goes down on me, but I've never cum that way.
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then they are doing it wrong... jus sayin.
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Here’s to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one
A pretty girl and an honest one
A cold beer – and another one
bitchette- (((((((((hugs))))))))
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The physical appearance of the please makes no difference.
I love it when people say their biggest flaw is that they're too perfect. It's like what you're taught to say at job interviews. "I work too hard!" "I'm too friendly!" Soooo not real.
But I think she knows her biggest mistake is:
d) She made the decision to marry Chris Martin.
They're basically separated now because she realized what a douchebag he is.
I was hoping MK would comment on her dinner party where she invited (I'd rather pop a cap in my mouf than eat with them all at the same time): Marta stewart, Seinfeld, J-z, cameron diaz, etc.
OK BUT THE FUNNIEST PART IS CHRIS MARTIN RUNNING AWAY LIKE A WEIRDO!! PLZ PLZ CHECK IT OUT BECAUSE IT'S SO HYSTERICAL HOW CHRIS IS SPRINTING BUT HIS ARMS ARE STRAIGHT.
Question: is he smart or an asshole for running away?
http://www.laineygossip.com/Gwyneth_Paltrow_cooks_for_friends_in_New_Yor...
Submitted by Zorba-the-Geek on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:18am.
My biggest flaw is I've never been able to have an orgasm with penetration alone!
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Don't feel bad. It's the only way I can have one, unless Im using something that requires batteries. And I love when a guy goes down on me, but I've never cum that way. :(
Submitted by bitchette on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:15am.
i hate bitches who present that perfect facade. Goopy we all know you want us to think you're perfect, and we all know that you are not. obviously- at the very least you suck in bed.
and the ho's on FB 'oh i love my life, so in love, sooooooo LUCKY LIFE IS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL'...... i take bets (in my head) on how long until they lose their job/ hub leaves ect *snicker*
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Hell to the place of yes!!!!!
*Dedicated to the pic of Bethenny staring at me from the side of the page.
Ok, enough pontificating, I need some liquor.
-LOVE ANDERSON
Submitted by But.Seriously.Folks on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:19am.
Has this turned into a therapy session??
I had chicken nuggets Saturday and didn't give a shit that it's pure poison!
Whew, I feel cleansed.
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Is it from the shits caused by the nuggets?
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The physical appearance of the please makes no difference.
Submitted by CokeyBloke on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:14am.
You know what Slurpee? You're goddamned right! In that case, non-workers of the world, unite! If we're all doing it, it's not bad! Bring it!
Considering most of us listed procrastination as one of our biggest flaws, we'll unite later... tomorrow...or over the weekend. Definitely by May. If the weather is nice. Maybe.
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Honey badger don't give a shit.
Uvy- there is HUGE difference between being happy with your life but realizing that life is not perfect, the carpet does not vacuum itself, boys don't make it in the bowl all the time and not everyone wants to hear you lie about how fucking happy you are 24/7.
i Love the humor you have about everything :) even when beneath it all, you're saying i love my life <3
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'fuck you guys. i'm goin' home.'
Has this turned into a therapy session??
Ok, I too am a perfectionist. I tend to procrastinate because I know I'm about to wear my own ass out trying to do everything just so. I watch the trashiest reality tv like Real Housewives and Basketball Wives (the shame, the shame!). I'm a born cynic, expecting the worst. But, I have a pesky optimistic side that creeps in and I can't seem to destroy it. I had chicken nuggets Saturday and didn't give a shit that it's pure poison!
Whew, I feel cleansed.
Ok, enough pontificating, I need some liquor.
-LOVE ANDERSON
Cokey:
Exactly!!!
My biggest flaw is I've never been able to have an orgasm with penetration alone!
**runs shamefaced out of thread**
That dress is HORRID!!!
I wish Chris Martin would dump her perfect ass already..... do they even live together anymore?
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It sounds like I'll need to be drunk, stoned and suffering from a minor concussion to deal with this fuckery. MK - November 2008
My biggest flaw is that i reserve all my patience for my kids , and not the ignorant, average Joe Motherfucker, who just wants to be a jackass and fuck with me.
Another flaw would probably be my steadily increasing flatulence problem.
Don`t be a woman-beater -- be a pussy-eater!!
*reads Bitchette's post and tries to cover mine*
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The physical appearance of the please makes no difference.
My biggest flaw is I put the capital C in Cunt and I love it. My other flaw is loving tingles of pleasure I feel when I read my fellow D-Listers comments and realize I'm not the only catty bitch on the planet.
i hate bitches who present that perfect facade. Goopy we all know you want us to think you're perfect, and we all know that you are not. obviously- at the very least you suck in bed.
and the ho's on FB 'oh i love my life, so in love, sooooooo LUCKY LIFE IS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL'...... i take bets (in my head) on how long until they lose their job/ hub leaves ect *snicker*
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'fuck you guys. i'm goin' home.'
Miss Thing up there needs to realize that when she's saying her life isn't perfect, she still won't STFU about how enviable it should be. I'd say my life is perfect- for me. It wouldn't be ideal for other people and it doesn't need to be. I'm not selling it as a product, though. This bitch is and she's doing a piss poor job at it.
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The physical appearance of the please makes no difference.
MardiGras on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 10:31am.
My biggest flaws:
I don't know what Estee Lauder is
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAH LMAO!!!
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"Basically, Murlonio means "from Rob's ass" in Dumfuckanese." MK
"Why won't you be perfect? Stop being so fat and lumpy. I fucking hate you, you cunt polenta."
You know what Slurpee? You're goddamned right! In that case, non-workers of the world, unite! If we're all doing it, it's not bad! Bring it!
I'm pretty sure I'm the most flawed person here, at this point, cuz I gots ALL your flaws.
So I win, right? YAY ME!
♥ Threadkilla!
Every nation ridicules other nations, and all are right.
~Arthur Schopenhauer
Another flaw:
I hate lady gaga and love kesha.
I'm also an avid reader of comments on this site and procrastinate.
Submitted by CokeyBloke on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 11:09am.
My biggest flaw is that I can't put in more than 15 minutes of work without jumping over to this site to see what my dreamland boyfriend MK has written and what you twats have responded.
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Isn't this pretty much everyone's flaw that is here on a regular basis?
AND, I go home from work every night intending to get a whole lotta shit done and crawl onto the couch and watch tv for 8 to 10 hours straight. That's right, bitches! I live the LIFE!
My biggest flaw is that I can't put in more than 15 minutes of work without jumping over to this site to see what my dreamland boyfriend MK has written and what you twats have responded.
team rotten bitches full of hate!!
ok not full of hate, but full of disdain for the generally stupid people i encounter IRL on a regular basis.
also- i be lazy and a procrastinator. and recently a cold hearted bitch, apparently.
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'fuck you guys. i'm goin' home.'
"foreskin dress" LMAO!
www.theanimalrescuesite.com - Click everyday to help animals in shelters
www.petfinder.com - Enter your zip code & find pets available in your area for adoption.
When she says "There's absolutely nothing perfect about my life..." she is therefore implying that she is often told that her life looks perfect. Which is what she wants. It's fake modesty.
We all KNOW that no one's life is perfect. The bitches who try to paint that facade are the ones who probably have horrorshow lives behind it.
"Why won't you be perfect? Stop being so fat and lumpy. I fucking hate you, you cunt polenta." Fishsticks Paltrow
bwahahahahah
mk that belongs on a kitchen sampler
LOL@Hekki. I like the way you think!
♥ Threadkilla!
Every nation ridicules other nations, and all are right.
~Arthur Schopenhauer
What a perfect thread!
My biggest flaw is that I'm disorganized. Terrible housekeeper, too.
But I consider my flaws a gift to everyone around me. It allows them to feel superior to me, and who doesn't like to feel that?
You're welcome, everyone!
I really don't like her shiny glistening face in thumb #1. Looks uber-greasy and kinda raw.
Uvy:
I like the way you think!
Submitted by Sweetas on Wed, 04/13/2011 - 10:37am.
*pins jack to the wet spot and holds him there* ;)
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Ok, maybe there are exceptions. :P
LMAO at stupid Uvy!!! hahahahahahahahahaa
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Here’s to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one
A pretty girl and an honest one
A cold beer – and another one