Lindsay Lohan Claims She’s Staying In On New Year’s Eve

December 30, 2012 / Posted by:

And that’s the first smart thing this mess has done since Mean Girls. Despite having stowed away in a pet carrier in the cargo hold of an off-brand airliner to somehow get her crackhead ass to London, Lindsay Lohan says she won’t be out there trying to insert Big Ben on New Year’s Eve. TMZ reports that she’s informed her UK dealers friends that there will be no clubs, parties, bars, or a repeat performance of the NYE when she broke a ten into a five and four ones (service fee) with her freckled fanny (that’s Brit talk for vagina). Supposedly she wants to start her year off right and make a good impression on the judge hearing her case (which one?).

The plan is to have a “small, quiet dinner” and then head back to the hotel to watch it all on telly. Maybe Patsy Stone’s sister Jackie will show up, and they can eat potpourri while discussing plans to open a pet hotel.

Mangy bitch, please. There is no way in hell a celebrity slattern with borderline personality disorder and a drug and alcohol problem is going to keep her ass in on New Year’s Eve. Besides, she saved some bucks with the IRS so she has eightball money. And think of all the unattended coats, bags, and shoes she can “borrow” from clubs and parties across London! This is showtime for her! Oh, I hope she ends up on Made In Chelsea trying to blow that one guy with the glossy mane who’s gay and developmentally disabled.

And I can’t decide which is more flyblown, patchy, and depressed – that coat or her hairline.

Check out more pics of Lindsay Lohan in London in the gallery.

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