We knew Satan had to somehow be involved in the casting of “Jersey Shore.” – Callie
Runners-up:
The updated production of Roots revolves around Kunty Kinte. – OurMissC
With the help of a pro, Count Chocula was able to keep his svelte physique for eternity by trading chocolate for lesser calorie virgin tears. – klisted
Lamar Odom really will sleep with anyone to get his photo taken. – becky n sydney
Amanda Miller, the receptionist and hardest working person on Celebrity Apprentice!
Some of the headlines early this morning asked the question: Where were you when World Hide and Seek champion Osama Bin Laden was killed by a gayelle ginger soldier named Crystal (this was TOTALLY the work of a gayelle ginger soldier named Crystal)? Well, I was just in the middle of pen writing a passionate letter asking the Trump Organization to release their prisoner Amanda the receptionist from behind that desk. Seriously, every episode, there’s Amanda sitting behind that desk scribbling out whatever into a paper notebook while patiently awaiting to give her one line: “Mr. Trump will see you now.”
What is Amanda writing in that notebook every week? Obviously she’s calmly writing “HELP ME” in Morse code and hoping that one day one of the contestants will actually make eye contact with her and read the pain in her eyes. But they never do! They have no idea that behind that desk, there’s a solid gold chain that’s wrapped around Amanda’s ankle and keeping her from fleeing when the mutant cat on Trump’s head comes around to nibble at her lobes. Bitch is obviously there against her own will, because who on this planet would agree to sit at a table with only a pen and paper?! Most prisoners on death fucking row get more than that.
FREE AMAAAAAAANDA (or at least give her a laptop with Free Cell on it or some shit)!!!!
Donatella Versace (56)
Kay Panabaker (21)
Lily Allen (26)
Sarah Hughes (26)
Robert Buckley (30)
Jenna von Oy (34)
David Beckham (36)
The Rock (39)
Stephen Daldry (50)
Christine Baranski (59)
David Suchet (65)
Lesley Gore (65)
Bianca Jagger (66)
Engelbert Humperdinck (75)
Theodore Bikel (87)
