It's not going to be Hoda Kotb or Meredith V or my personal choice Willard Scott. Savannah Guthrie will sit on the co-anchor chair that will have a revenge fart from Ann Curry on it. Savannah's the one all the way to the right who's giving that dried green paint some competition in the no personality contest.
TMZ says that Savannah's deal to be Today's new co-host is signed, sealed and awaiting delivery. Today isn't announcing her as the new co-host until they wrap shit up with Ann Curry. Ann has two years left on her $30 million 3-year contract and she wants the full $20 million to go away. NBC has offered her $10 million and a job as a foreign correspondent for NBC News, but Ann is shaking her head no to that shit deal. Ann is fucking done professionally with NBC and wants to leave the network for good. Ann wants her $20 million and nothing else.
Ann needs to put her hands around that NBC peacock's betraying bitch of a neck and not let go until that whore coughs up all $20 million. I had this customer service job once and one of my co-workers got fired for being a bitch to the customers. Did I mention that I loved her so? Well, when they pink-slipped her ass they told her she needed to come back the next day to sign some exit papers and pick up her last check. This bitch refused to sashay out the exit door until they put her last check in her hands. She sat on her chair, hugged her pocketbook and quietly talked shit to herself about her supervisors and the job. I played Mimi's "Hero" on a loop on my computer speakers. The bosses eventually gave in and gave her the check. That's what Ann needs to do. Sit in her chair and tell those bitches her legs aren't going to work until they drop $20 million into her checking account.
And about Savannah as the new co-host.... I was hoping if it wasn't going to be Hoda or Tamron Hall, it would be Natalie Morales. But I guess that would be awkward, because when I Googled "Natalie Morales Matt Lauer" this came up:
But then again, when I Googled "Savannah Guthrie Matt Lauer" this came up:
And "Ann Curry Matt Lauer":
And this (no, that is definitely not sloppily 'Shopped to shit, shut up):
So I guess if NBC wanted a co-host who hasn't been winked at by Matt Lauer's peen, there only option would be Al Roker. I think.
Ann Curry is pretty much out as co-host of Today and NBC will move her into a fancier role as foreign correspondent any day now. Everybody knows this now, but nobody knows who will get to inhale huge amounts of musky smugness while sitting next to Matt Lauer. Many have said that Matt will set next to a boiled, bland rutabaga who goes by the name of Savannah Guthrie, but Radar says that isn't happening. NBC has put several replacement possibilities in front of focus groups and they weren't feeling it for Savannah. But they were feeling it for Kathie Lee Gifford's partner in morning time drunkery Hoda Kotb. They all burp up hearts for Hoda and they think she should be pried away from Kathie Lee's pinot-stained claws to host the first two hours of Today. A source put it like this:
"Hoda scores off the charts in focus groups, and the audience can relate to her.
Hoda has a hard news background but is extremely comfortable discussing pop culture issues. She just has a warmth that viewers find comforting. She was very public with her breast cancer battle, and allowed cameras to follow her during her cancer treatments on Today. Hoda is a team player, and is so well liked by everyone at the show, most importantly, Matt Lauer. They have a very easy rapport and mutual respect.
The problem with Savannah is that in focus groups, she just doesn't score as high as Hoda does. NBC has been conducting focus groups to assist the network executives in determining who should replace Ann. Savannah is an extremely talented journalist, and she is extremely bright, but she only recently joined Today and viewers just aren't as comfortable with her."
I've always liked Hoda, because she's the patient friend who will calmly listen to the drunk ramblings of ridiculousness that pour out of your booze hole. Every drunk bitch needs a friend like that and Kathie Lee has hers in Hoda. That's why they can't tear Hoda and Kathie Lee apart. They belong together like gin and juice, like drunks and disco fries, like cooking wine and Shasta (don't act like you've never put those two together when you're out of wine coolers)...
What is Kathie Lee's drunk ass going to do without Hoda there to keep her in check? Kathie Lee's just going to sit at that table, licking on a bottle of a wine, because she's already so drunk that she forgot how to open one and is just going to lick through the glass to get to the delicious sweet nectar. Actually, that's some shit I want to see. HIRE HODA!