Evelyn Lozada

Because Chad Johnson doesn't want a day to go by without someone writing the words "Ochocinco is a dumb bitch" on the Internet, the mound of dried shit dingles in his head decided it would be a good idea for him try to win his wife of twenty minutes back by getting her face tattooed on his leg.

Evelyn Lozado filed to legally quit Ochocinco after he punched her in the head with his head. Yeah, so nothing says "I'm sorry for head-butting you" like getting their faced inked into your leg. TMZ says that Ochocinco got the tattoo, which could be fake, sometime this past weekend and it's his way of professing his love to Evelyn in an effort to get her back. The only thing this is going to get him is a whole lot of shaking heads, because that tattoo is a mess. They made Evelyn look like a True Blood wolf.

Evelyn not only has the imprint of Ochocinco's forehead on her face, but now she knows her face is imprinted next to his terrifying calf muscle. If that isn't pure hate, I don't know what is. With all that being said, the tattoo does sort of represent their relationship: horrifying, fame whorey and completely gross.

via @ochocinco

No pun intended in that headline, I swear.

Over the weekend, J. Harvey wrote about how Chad "Ochocinco" Johnson of the Miami Dolphins pulled a first-degree Chris Brown on his wife Evelyn Lozado of Basketball Wives by allegedly punching her in the head with his cranium after she found a receipt for condoms in his Maserati. That messy incident cost his dumb stupid ass his job with the Dolphins and now it cost him a wife. Because after only six weeks of marriage, Evelyn is legally headbutting Ochocinco out of her life by filing for divorce.

TMZ somehow, magically learned (see: Evelyn live-texting them a play by play of her filing the papers) that Evelyn filed divorce papers in Florida this afternoon. Evelyn and Ochocinco barely joined fame whore forces by getting married on July 4th in St. Martin and their wedding was taped for a Vh1 reality show that never was. Evelyn's marriage lasted about as long it took her to take off her earrings before flying across the table to toot Kenya in the dome. Evelyn should've filed divorce on their 85th day of marriage to really make it burn.

And somewhere, Jen is sitting back and adjusting the discount blue contacts she brought from the swap meet while saying to the air, "I guess this is the life I ain't about."

I don't know shit about football, but I do know you can't headbutt a bitch without her wearing a helmet. Which is why the Miami Dolphins have kicked Chad Johnson's violent ass out of their pool at Seaworld.

According to Fox Sports (I think that was the first time this fag-o-tron visited their webpage - there's no guys in jockstraps. Lame.), Chad got the bye-bye wave after being charged with misdemeanor domestic battery. He head-butted his wife and that's it? Did the police not see that scud missile dude has for a melon? Mr. Potato Head had a violent, developmentally disabled brother the family kept chained in the cellar and it looked like that.

There's more deets from the early Sunday morning incident courtesy of TMZ. Chad's Basketball Wife (they let you stay on the show even if you change the sport you groupie for) Evelyn Lozada ran to the neighbors house with a cut on her head after their fight. Johnson was said to have been driving around their neighborhood looking for her when the police caught up to them. *shiver* He claimed he was driving around to give her time to calm down, blamed the fight on her and said SHE head-butted HIM.

Lozada reportedly told police that he was screaming "I don't give a f**k! I don't give a f**k about my career!" after he attacked her. Don't threaten the Miami Dolphins with a good time, girl.

That sort of threat is why you make sure you don't have any firearms in the house when you're two assholes with no morals marrying for fame/money/appearances. People like that usually have a complete lack of morals and a sanity indicator light that's blinking.