In between talking shit about Kelly Clarkson and announcing his love for coochie and cock, Clive Davies writes in his new memoir that he's working on a big Broadway revival of My Fair Lady. Clive has always wanted to produce a Broadway musical and now his dream might come true, because he recently got the stage rights to My Fair Lady. Anne Hathaway is currently spending her days working with Coach Taylor Swift on her OHMYGAWDMYNIPSEXPLODEDICANBELIEVEIWON face for when she wins the Oscar on Sunday, but once she's done with that, Clive wants her to play Eliza Doolittle in his big revival. Oh, wouldn't that be barferly? According to Playbill, Clive writes this in his book:
"I always wanted to produce a Broadway show, and I've never done it. I'm hopeful we will prepare and finalize everything this year to bring My Fair Lady next year to Broadway with a stellar cast. I don't want to jinx myself, but we're in discussions with two magnificent performers and a wonderful director to do that. I was always hoping that the tradition of great musicals giving birth to songs that are part of the fabric of our culture would continue. But that has not happened. We've had hit Broadway shows, but the scores have not really been up to that golden-era tradition.
So since that has not occurred, I really want to make sure that the greatest musical of all time — which to me is My Fair Lady — can show once again why a classic can be as meaningful half a century later as it was when it originally opened. I look forward to that."
Clive says that he wants Anne to play Eliza and Colin Firth to play 'Enry 'Iggins, and he's hoping Bartlett Sher will direct.
Anne Hathaway is every high school drama student I've ever met mashed into one person. She probably does vocal warmups before she lets out an orgasm wail and if Lea Michele wasn't already the real-life Rachel Berry, I'd say Anne Hathaway is the real-life Rachel Berry. So yodeling on Broadway is her destiny! The only Anne I want to see as Eliza Doolittle is Anne Burrell, but the role of Eliza Doolittle is still perfect for Anne Hathaway. My Fair Lady is one of the ultimate makeover musicals and Anne is pretty much the queen of makeovers in movies. It's not an Anne Hathaway project unless bitch gets a makeover in it.
Here's Anne working the Justin Bieber circa 2011 hair at the Costume Designer Guild Awards last night.
Kelly Clarkson is popping every single one of the rainbow balloons at Clive Davis' pubic (typo and it stays) coming out party today, because she's not going to sit around and let him spit lies about her in his book. Clive Davis writes in his memoir that Kelly was hard to work with and closed her ears every time he tried to give her his thoughts about her music. According to Clive, Kelly hated the song Since U Been Gone and didn't want it on her album Breakaway. When Clive told her it was going in whether she liked it or not, she broke down into a hysterical sobbing fit. Clive and Kelly's bitch fight lived on during the making of her third album My December. Clive hated it and didn't think there was one hit on it. The label released the album anyway and Clive writes that he was proven right when My December wasn't the huge hit that Breakaway was.
Clive also sharpened his claws and scratched at Kelly when he called her a "talent contest winner" and wrote that he doesn't think he'd sign her if she didn't win American Idol. Kelly isn't ever the one to keep her mouth shut and so she wrote her long ass response to Clive's stories about her on WhoSay.
So I just heard Clive Davis is releasing a memoir and spreading false information about me and my music. I refuse to be bullied and I just have to clear up his memory lapses and misinformation for myself and for my fans. It feels like a violation. Growing up is awesome because you learn you don't have to cower to anyone - even Clive Davis.
First, he says I burst into "hysterical sobbing" in his office when he demanded Since You Been Gone be on my album. Not true at all. His stories and songs are mixed up. I did want more guitars added to the original demo and Clive did not. Max, Luke and I still fought for the bigger sound and we prevailed and I couldn't be more proud of the life of that song. I resent him dampening that song in any way.
But, yes, I did cry in his office once. I cried after I played him a song I had written about my life called "Because Of You." I cried because he hated it and told me verbatim that I was a "sh*tty writer who should be grateful for the gifts that he bestows upon me." He continued on about how the song didn't rhyme and how I should just shut up and sing. This was devastating coming from a man who I, as a young girl, considered a musical hero and was so honored to work with.
But I continued to fight for the song and the label relented. And it became a worldwide hit. He didn't include that in the book.
He also goes on to say My December wasn't successful because I co-penned the album and it didn't have "pop hits". Well, first let me say, I've co-penned many of my "pop hits." Secondly, My December went platinum (It sold 20,000 less than All I Ever Wanted which followed My December.) Hardly a huge failure. Never Again, the ONLY single they released in the US from that record was a Top 10 hit. I am very proud of that and I have my fans to thank. But, again, what's most interesting about his story is what he leaves out: He doesn't mention how he stood up in front of his company at a convention and belittled me and my music and completely sabotaged the entire project. It never had a chance to reach it's full potential. My December was an album I needed to make for myself for many reasons and the fact that I was so completely disregarded and disrespected was so disheartening, there really aren't words to explain….
Anyway, I love my job. I love my music. I love my fans. I love my label and all of my professional relationships… now. And I am grateful for Clive for teaching me to know the difference.
Damn. That last line was like a cigarette burn to Clive Davis' bald head. This feud is about as interesting as the ongoing feud I'm having with my neighbor (the one who hates me and repeatedly presses the close button in the elevator when she sees me coming into the elevator room. I hear you pressing that button, bitch! I hear you!), but I still love a good cat fight. Grease them both up and let them go at it.
I love a shifty queen, which Clive totally is, but I have to side with Kelly in this feud, because he writes in his book that he tried to stop this glorious masterpiece from coming out.
For those of you who never really thought about the goings-on of Clive Davis' genitals, then this news might be new to you. But since my brain is made of mushed jizz and I think about the goings-on of EVERYBODY'S genitals, I've read all the rumors about how Clive Davis likes to dip his tongue in the man pond. And in his new memoirs called The Soundtrack of My Life, the man who discovered Whitney Houston writes about his love of poon and peen. (Insert cissyhoustonisnotamused.gif here)
80-year-old Clive has married and divorced two chicks, has four kids and six grandchildren, and writes that he's been with his man partner for 7 years. Before that, Clive was a dude doctor for 14 years. Clive says that even though his tongue has only tasted peen for the past 21 years, he's still very much attracted to women. Rolling Stone has the piece from Clive's memoirs where he talked about how he let out an exhale of relief after he got on his first dick:
Davis, who has been married and divorced twice, has never before publicly addressed his sexuality. In a candid five-page section toward the end of the book, due in stores today, he writes that he first had a sexual encounter with a man during “the era of Studio 54.” “On this night, after imbibing enough alcohol, I was open to responding to his sexual overtures,” writes Davis, who says he had only been with women before. Being with a man, he writes, provided “welcome relief.”
After a period of “soul searching and self-analysis,” Davis separated from his second wife in 1985, and says that he went on to have simultaneous relationships with two women and a man. In 1990, he entered into a “monogamous relationship” with a male doctor, who is not named in the book. Although that relationship ended in 2004, Davis says he has been in a subsequent relationship with another man ever since. Davis writes that his coming out deeply affected his ties with one of his sons, Mitchell: After what Davis calls “one very trying year,” father and son worked out their differences, Davis says.
Well, so now you know. Clive Davis not only fucked dudes and chicks in the music business, but he fucked them in the bedroom too. And I'm sure you had a hard time reading any of that since you were too busy being hypnotized and dazzled by the trifecta of sapphire gorgeousness that Clive is serving up in that picture.