The good news is that Joanna Rohrback, the be-wigged prancing swan, is back and is prancing her way into our hearts again. The shitty news is that she’s using her graceful prancing moves in the lyric video for John Mayer’s new single “Paper Doll” which is supposedly about Taylor of Green Gables. The shittier news is that Joanna must’ve put three industrial-strength Cuchinis on her crotch, because I’ve practically pressed my eyeballs against the screen and I still can’t make out her prancing camel toe. EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED, because today I learned that Joanna can gracefully prance like a flying unicorn galloping against the clouds without showing her camel toe. I really thought her prancing powers were activated by her camel toe. I don’t know this world anymore.
Anyway, when Taylor Swift put out a song that made it sound like John Mayer did her on her pirate princess bed and was out the door before she could even wipe up the cum puddle on her stomach with a strawberry-scented cum rag, he said that it made him “sad” and he didn’t deserve that. Well, I guess John’s still sad, because his new song “Paper Doll” is totally about Taylor Swift’s ass. Jezebel transcribed the lyrics for John Mayer’s soft blues diss track:
Paper doll, come try it on
Step out of that black chiffon
Here’s a dress of gold and blue
Sure was fun being good to you
This one we made just for Fall
And Winter runs a bit too small
This mint green is new for Spring
My love didn’t cost a thing
You’re like twenty-two girls in one
And none of them know what they’re runnin’ from
Was it just too far to fall?
For a little paper doll
Fold a scarf, Moroccan red
And tie your hair behind your head
Strap into some heels that hurt
You should’ve kept my undershirt
Cut the cord and pull some strings
And make yourself some angel wings
And if those angel wings don’t fly
Someone’s gonna paint you another sky
So what I’m getting from that is that John humped it and dumped it and that Taylor is a flimsy, delicate, one dimensional doll who really needs to get over it. Taylor Swift is probably in the studio right now yodeling out a response to John Mayer’s diss trick and then he’s going to go back into the studio and sing out a response to her response. They’re going to keep going back and forth and it’s our ears who are paying the price. Our ears are in the middle. Can’t they just shank each other in a back alley and get it over with?
But John does get an extra point for bringing Prancercise into it.