International treasure Betty White is not the one who will dry Lindsay Lohan's fake tanner tears over a slice of cheesecake at a round table in the kitchen and she's definitely not drinking or even sipping tiger blood. Betty White continued to add to the neverending list of reasons to love her when she gave her thoughts about Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen to the Daily Mail of all mails. Basically, Betty thinks that LiLo and Charlie need to do ass-to-ass with a giant double-sided dildo made of gratefulness. Tell that shit like it is, Betty!
"They party too much, don’t learn their lines, are unprofessional and they grumble about everything. I think they are terribly ungrateful. I cannot stand the people who get wonderful starts in show business, and who abuse it. Lindsay Lohan and Charlie Sheen, for example, although there are plenty of others, too. They are the most blessed people in the world and they don’t appreciate it."
Of course, LiLo had something to say to this to E! News, "I've always been a fan of hers. It's just a bit strange when people feel they must speak publicly about others. Especially a grown woman."
Why the hell did LiLo even waste a breath she could've used to puff on a Red? Betty White is right. End of story. Shut those silicone anal glands on your mouth and take it. Betty White is saying what Charlie's and LiLo's family should've said a long ass time ago. If only Betty could stick her fist up White Oprah's ass and do the talking for that delusional crazy from now on.
RPattz not only bathed his pits and commanded all the miniature unicorns in his hair to lay down for Elle Magazine, but he also told them that one of his wishes is to bring a serious beating on a paparazzo. ("Oooooh, I'm so scared." - the paparazzi). When RPattz sees a pap he fantasizes about the day he gets to punch that trick in the face the same way we punch ourselves in the face every time Kristen Stewart bites her lip. RPattz might look seven shades of frail and seem as fragile as the lone sparkle on a patch of long white vampire skin, but he's getting ready to go off on a bitch like a drunk slut with her skirt hiked up in the middle of a Denny's. RPattz put it like this to Elle:
"You know, when the whole thing dries up and there’s hardly any paparazzi around—I don’t know, in 15 years or something—I like the idea of just one paparazzo coming out and trying to get a picture, and I just beat the shit out of him. I mean—out of nowhere—when my picture’s not even worth…and I’ve spent all my money, so you can’t sue me!"
Just like that thousands of masochist Twihards are applying for pap jobs at photo agencies everywhere hoping that RPattz will punch them until they're black, blue and sparkly one day.
RPattz also told Elle that he does have a thing for older women, "I was always obsessed with Kate Moss. On my bedroom wall I had a poster of Linda Blair and Kate Moss. I always liked Jane Fonda. Who else? Ellen Burstyn."
Um. RPattz needs to go over his list again, because he forgot to mention one very important cougar:
You just know RPattz blew this classic picture up to billboard size and covered his bedroom ceiling with it. Metagasm!
Urban legend says that if Kunty Karl Lagerfeld removes his Chanel eye shields and you stare directly into the ruby crystal globes (filled with the tears of the village children) shoved his sockets, you will immediately shrivel into a platinum thread of dust and join the field of poor unfortunate souls on top of his head. Or you will get really obese and be banished into his dungeon so that he can amuse himself by making fun of you while he nibbles on black crow nails. I must have fallen asleep during that part in class, because I'm not sure which is the case. BUT thankfully, neither of those things happened in Monte Carlo yesterday when Kunty Karl took off his glasses at lunch with his human Baptiste Giabiconi and some other slaves. SOULS DID NOT FREEZE. Crisis averted for now.
And I feel like I've just caught Kunty Karl at his most intimate moment. Without his sunglasses, he doesn't really look like the zombie king of the underworld who can shred the spirit of a newbie model by cackling into the night before her. He sort of looks...vulnerable....with those Charlie Brown eyes of his. Hmmm. This is almost like walking in on your naked abuelita. Let's just pretend like this never happened.
Holding hands after a game is the new slapping each other's bare asses in the shower room - TDW
A-Rod, Cameron Diaz and some sexy fashion-forward wannabe guido hit the gym - Lainey Gossip
Mila Kunis or Nicole Richie? - Hollywood Tuna
Oh, don't mind Kate Moss, she's just got a lil' coke mouth (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather
Taylor Lautner's publicist isn't even trying anymore - Popsugar
Furry nips and a puppy courtesy of Glee's Max Adler - Towleroad
Did the world start spinning the other way, because Kathy Griffin dumped the Old Spice Guy for clinging on to her ass too much - Celebitchy
Joan Rivers' QVC jooree collection > The Style of Jolie - Just Jared
Lady CakeCake - The Berry
The Real Housewives of DC got impeached from Bravo - ICYDK
Karina Smirnoff gets practically all kinds of naked on DWTS so why not go full labia in Playboy? - Popoholic
Who needs SPF when you've got glasses big enough to cover your whole SANS FARDS face? - Moe Jackson
Drea de Matteo and Shooter Jennings continue to name their babies after roadside biker bars - I'm Not Obsessed
I didn't know Shangela was related to Toni Braxton! - Necole Bitchie
Kelly Osbourne got that late 80s L.A. news anchor hair - Cityrag
Why does that explosion of foolery on top of Nicki Minja's head remind me of Pinky and the Brain? - Hollywood Rag
On the left is The Real Housewives of New York City's Jill Zarin back in 2006, and on the right is Jill Zarin looking like a damn fool on Watch What Happens Live last night. The only thing she's missing is a microphone headset and a child covering their eyes in the front row, because this is the kind of piss poor Madonna impersonation you'd see at a PTA talent show. That polyester fall would look better on a horse's ass. That top would look better on a Charlotte Russe mannequin circa 1990. And those earrings would look a whole lot better in the napkin holder section at a Pier 1. That being said, Jill Zarin looks hotter "now." Well, you know I'm a sucker for grown hos embarrassing themselves while paying homage to the 90s.
The entire BOMB Ambition look is more frightening when it moves:
If you're going to do yourself up to look like a Vogue-era Madonna, can't you put a cone bra on your dog so she matches you? That's just lazy styling.
After posing on the red carpet at the London premiere for her movie Red Riding Hoodrat, precious princess Amanda Seyfried returned to her car and found a parking ticket tucked safely under her windshield wiper. The thing, Amanda wasn't even driving, but that didn't stop her from throwing a spoiled little girl tantrum by yanking the ticket out of her car and handing it back to the warden before saying: "Thank you, but no thank you." This is funny since I'm sure most people who went to see that awful shit movie said those same words while throwing their movie tickets into the trash after walking out 20 minutes into it.
As much as I'm a fan of diva bitch moves, there was really no need for Amanda to act like an asshole to a traffic warden who could care less that she's mad. It's unnecessary, makes her look like a dick and is a dumb thing to do. Think about it. Amanda should've just smiled her manufactured Disney princess smile, took the ticket and slipped it into her clutch. The next time she needs to illegally park in London, she can pull it out and put it under her windshield wiper so every traffic warden will walk on by.* Sometimes you really need to use your brain instead of your cunt gene.
* WARNING: I've tried this before. It doesn't work. Boo.
Thirty minutes before Yara Sofia of RuPaul's Drag Race was supposed to grace the red carpet at Logo's NewNowNext Awards in Hollywood last night, she was without an ensemble. So what's a down on her luck queen to do? Yara ran naked through her hotel lobby in search of the perfect outfit when she slipped on the floor, crashed into a black chiffon curtain (the cape), fell onto a table covered with white sequined coasters (the bikini) and stumbled over the balcony railing before smashing through a chandelier (the necklace) and landing head first on a plate full of carrots (the dreads) sitting on a table in the restaurant. Yara's hand was stuck in a silver bowl of black mashed caviar and after she used it to wipe away a little blood on her eye (the make-up), she turned around to find the entire restaurant gasping at her accidental glamour!
Only Yara Sofia can look like a He-Man villainess inspired by Carrot Top without even trying! BAM (wrong queen, I know).
And here's who Yara Sofia showed up in the beauty department at last night's NNN Awards. In order: James Van Der Beek with his wife Kimberly, Aubrey O'Day (work that back fat, bitch), Carrie Fisher, Giggy with Lisa Vanderpump, two New Kids with 1 BSB, Pete Wentz, Tabatha Coffey, Tatyana Ali, Carmen Carrera, Yara with Manila Luzon, Robyn, Glamberace and Joe Manganiello.
Denny's should really hand out helmets at the door and charge a cover, because not only do you get a stack of pancakes and rubbery eggs, but you also get a glamorous brawl show featuring the country's finest ladies of sophistication. Just like the tranny taco fight, the McDonald's throwdown, the Great Syrup Tussle of '11, the Brooklyn Style Bitch Battle Royale, and the epic Halloween whore war before them, this clip shows three messes partaking in America's favorite pastime: brawling at a fine dining establishment!
The narrator fails to provide us with the reason for why these three gutter glitter goddesses are making humanity proud by acting the fool while in the presence of delicious pancakes. Maybe it was because they all showed up wearing outfits that have seen better days on the bodies of early 90s Fly Girls?
And you always know a chair is about to get murdered when a ho gets fightin' ready by hiking up her skirt and freeing up her thighs.
For the past couple of days, there's been a rumor going around that the role of Meredith Vieira will most likely be played by Ann "Three Times A Good Morning Lady" Curry and the role of Matt Lauer will soon be up for grabs when the both of them leave The Today Show. Meredith wants to spend more time with her family and no reason was given as to why Matt is looking to take his glib act elsewhere. But TMZ says Matt is just batting his eyes and playing hard to get. Matt isn't looking to leave Today, but he is looking to get a fatter wad of cash stuffed into the waistband of his chonies. Matt wants NBC to make it rain millions all over his bald head. $25 million to be exact.
A source type says that Matt currently makes $17 million a year, but thinks he should make more due to the fact that he's been on the show for so long and it's been #1 in the mornings for 15 years straight.
The only bitch on morning television who deserves $25 million a year is whoever has to take the notes during The View's brainstorming (more like brainkilling) meetings. And the brave soul who has to wrestle the wine bottle out of Kathie Lee Gifford's arms when she passes out on the futon in her dressing room. Matt is crazy. How many more millions does Matt need? Does he have a child who can only eat diamonds due to a condition? Is Matt being blackmailed by someone who will expose his past as a 19-year-old heroin dealing fugitive (Yes, I watched that Oprah shit yesterday) unless he gives them $8 million a year? Thanks to Matt Lauer's greedy ass ways, NBC will have to fire the NBC peacock and replace it with an NBC pigeon instead. Actually, that sounds like a hot idea.
No, this isn't a recently surfaced picture of Sarah Jessica Parker bonding with the unborn twins in her surrogate's belly, this is Selma Blair having a special My Friend Flicka moment with her horse friend Taffy in Burbank, CA yesterday. Yes, this possibly staged shoot is cheesier than the crotch side of Colin Farrell's panties, but it's still making the freezer-burned package of ground heart meat in my chest feel something. That's if I block out the gutter devil voices in my head screaming: "THAT HORSE IS GONNA EAT DA BABY!!!" and "A pony is totally going to fall out of Selma in a few months." Yes, leave it to my faulty trash compactor of a brain to turn an "awwww" into an "ewwww."