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Ever wanted to look like you have two half-dead tapeworms hanging out over your eyes, but are too afraid that they might eat your skin off or something? Well, here's your answer: weave brows! It's the new sensation sweeping the nation (not really)! I am a strong supporter of the eyebrow arts, so I am behind this! If you want puffy paint brows, go ahead, Haiti!

You can even achieve this "celebrity status" look using items around the house. Just glue some old pipe cleaners or carpet strips over your brows and there you go! You will be ready to take on the world! And just remember that when haters laugh and throw leaves at your worm brows it's just because they are JEALOUS! Excuse your beauty!

Thanks DJ & Milee

The jewel of The Real Housewives of NYC, Ramona Singer, was out eating dinner in Brooklyn the other night with her husband. I'm giving you dumb jokes! We all know Ramona does not EAT IN BROOKLYN! No, Ramona was airing out her crooked coke nose and meth mouth in the Hamptons. Seriously, I've never noticed that Ramona has the mouth of an elderly field mouse who hasn't had a drip of water for weeks. I bet she could eat the fuck out of a piece of soft cheese!

That being said, Ramona still looks gorgeous no matter what. Ka-dooz to her!

Birthday: We'll know when, because all of the possums and beavers in the world will gather together to celebrate.
Age: ?
Birth Name: Fluffy or Spot

Original Date of HS of the Day: May 24, 2009
Claim to Fame: I don't even remember Kate Gosselin before her signature roadkill coif. It's like she was born again when that mammal laid on her head. It gave her a second life!

Where is it now? Chilling on Kate's head and nibbling on a snack mix made of Jon's pubic hair, Aunt Jodi's chewed off toe nails and leftover placenta.

Why is it HS of the Week? Because it is changing the world of fugly!

My stupid ass was too busy bonging and donging last week, so I totally forgot to name Hot Slut of the Week. That's why there will be two Hot Slut of the Week posts in a row. Yes, I know I smell. Better late than never!

Birthday: ?
Age: Ageless.
Birth Name: Manny, Moe & Jack or Wendy, Chyna & Carnie

Original Date of HS of the Day: May 21, 2009
Claim to Fame: The Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt phenomenen started thanks to a student named Brian Govern. One day, he decided to leave a satirical comment on Amazon about how the t-shirt attracted women. A legend was born! Today, the t-shirt has over 900 comments. 50% of which are made of pure comedy.

Where is it now? Why it's right here. Where it will always be until the end of time.

Why is it HS of the Week? Because when I stare at it, I can hear the wolves howling "Maaaaake ussssssss hooooooottt sluuuuuuuutttttttts."

This poster has changed my life - That's Important

My favorite couple is still going strong - Popsugar

A couple that flosses out KFC together, obviously makes babies together - YBF

Hos galore at the MTV Movie Awards - Hollywood Tuna

Lily Allen's sexay gut over bagina (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Miley Cyrus not only sounds like a 45-year-old trucker with a tobacco chewing problem, but she also has the same tastes of one as well - Hollywood Rag

This is what Miley Cyrus was gawking at - Egotastic!

Twilight boy titties - Towleroad

Twilight man titties - Just Jared

Twilight blue balls - Lainey Gossip

Not Twilight related. I think. - Cityrag

The glorious moment where Eminem's butt face got a heaping serving of Bruno's nalgas might not have ever happened, because Em wasn't the producers first choice. A source told Life & Style that they asked Eminem to partake in the stunt, but kept him in the dark about getting up close and personal with Bruno's sweet rolls. Mark Burnett, the producer of the MTV Movie Awards, originally asked Parasite Hilton to do it, but she turned them down.

Thank the fuck Wonky didn't do it! First of all, she spends most of the day with a hot sweaty asshole in her face, so it wouldn't have been anything new. Second of all, she's already the butt of all jokes! Third of all, poor Bruno probably would've lost his sight if he put his eyeballs that close to Wonky's crab nest.

I don't care if it was staged or not, it was still Eminem's greatest moment ever. He should go ahead and retire now, because nothing will top it.

Ass-Roidy's former and current fuck time friend almost crossed paths this weekend at the Polo Classic (aka The Hot Ginge Appreciation Party), but one of them made sure that didn't happen. Kate Hudson, who is currently whispering sweet nothings into A-Roid's dick hole, did whatever she could to stay away from the EVIL VADGE!

When Kate first arrived, she sat in the front of the VIP section, but she quickly shuttled her ass to the back after she heard Madonna and children (that includes you, Baby Jesus) had just arrived. One guest told Gatecrasher, “Kate was completely intimidated by Madonna. She clearly didn’t want trouble and decided to keep a low profile for the rest of the match. I didn’t even see Kate Hudson again after Madonna arrived. She ran away! But if I were dating Madonna’s ex, I’d be scared, too!”

Another guest said that Vadge didn't even lay one queef over the presence of Kate Hudson and her stuffed jelly donut face. The other guest said, “Madonna literally didn’t care. She showed up with no makeup, a dowdy denim outfit and her hair pulled up in a ponytail. She doesn’t need to compete with Kate, because she will always be Queen Bee.”

Queen Bee? Ick. Nast. Regina George, she ain't!

I hope that while Kate Hudson was hiding out in the back, she found some fucking dignity. I mean, hiding from Vadge and taking a dildo to A-Roid's ass in the same week?! Although, it's a good thing she doesn't have any balls, because if she did, Vadge would've sniffed 'em out and swallowed them whole anyway.

"Total Eclipse of the Heart" will never be the same to me again and that's okay, because this is all kinds of genius.

VIA Buzzfeed

If Pink could, she would wear a furry bra made out of Kanye West's nut bush and chaps made out of his skin (how very Buffalo Bill of her). I think we all do, but Pink has her own reasons. At Stella McCartney's fashion show in March, Kanye made Pink so angry that she could've eaten a strap-on. In an interview with FHM (via The Sun), Pink says that Kanye West hates furry little creatures.

Pink said, "Kanye West is the person pissing me off right now. I was at STELLA McCARTNEY's Paris fashion show with the vice president of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, PAUL McCARTNEY and Kanye West. The entire time Kanye is going, 'They need more fur in this show'. He just wouldn't shut up about how he loved fur. I mean, he's saying this to me, the PETA guy and Paul McCartney! I was just so grossed out by him. I'm like, 'You're an idiot!' There are so many people who I think are a waste of skin and he's up there. I should wear him. Go on, donate yourself Kanye. People can wear your fur."

Kanye's MacBook Air can stop shaking in fright, because I doubt this has made the mighty Lord of the Caps-Lock mad. In fact, Pink gave him an idea. Why wear animal fur when you can wear something even better: A KANYE SKIN SUIT! Kanye popped a nut thinking of a world with a million Kanyes walking around. Cloning gone wrong! Thank you for that, Pink.

For a limited time, hos in Britain will be able to lick Daniel Craig all over, because Del Monte has put out a popsicle in his honor after conducting a survey. Over 1,000 chicks voted that they wanted a topless Daniel on a stick. It will only be on sale until June 7th.

They got the body and crotch area right, but the face will give me night terrors. He kind of looks like Gary Oldman in Dracula. He's just missing the two hairy titty cones on his head.

Del Monte also announced that they are not responsible for any freezer burned vaginas or assholes. And don't even think about using that stick. You don't want splinters in the snatch.

Image: Splash