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Beyonce and Jay-Z swaggered into a joint in Scarsdale Village, N.Y and applied for a marriage license today reports People. The license is valid for 60 days. Beyonce's rep wouldn't comment. Why didn't they just call Solange? She's not doing anything but sitting around answering Beyonce's fan mail. If you write to Beyonce and she writes back, "I HATE YOU." Know that Solange wrote that with love.

Beyonce and Jay-Z have been dating since 2002. There have been so many rumors of them being married, divorced, pregnant, aliens, blah...blah...blah... They were probably just bored of looking at each other, so they decided to play an April Foolio's joke.

If they are getting married then I expect an over-the-top tacky fiesta! House of Derriere better whip up a dress made out of albino alligator skin. You know even JLo is going to stand back and say, "Damn, they are too much!"

Former Mr. Reese Witherspoon, Ryan Phillipe, was on Jay Leno a while ago and Jay seemed really interested in talking about his role on "One Life to Live." Ryan played gay teenager Billy Douglas. For some stupid reason, Jay said to Ryan, "Can you give me, like – say that camera is your gay lover ..."

Jay wouldn't drop it and finally asked, "Can you give me your 'gayest look?' " Ryan kind of giggled, got up and said he didn't want to do it. He sat down a few moments later and they moved on. Well, the Streisand hit the fan after it aired. Gay activists were pissed!

GLAAD issued this statement today, "We are proud of Ryan for refusing to participate in Leno's thoughtless attempt at humor. Under the guise of comedy, the talk-show host is demonstrating a lack of respect for the gay community and insensitivity to both his co-workers and the audience, to whom he owes an apology."

Well, Jay has apologized. He said, "I certainly didn't mean any malice. I agree it was a dumb thing to say, and I apologize." Now please apologize for that hair, Jay! All I can think about is Ursula from "The Little Mermaid" when I accidentally click on The Tonight Show.

If Jay cared so much about seeing Ryan's "gay face" he should have just rented "54." There's Phillipe gay face galore! Although, I think it's just Ryan trying to show real emotion. WTF is a gay look anyway? Be right back, I have to go look in the mirror to remind myself.

Click here to see the clip if you care

Source: UsWeekly

Oh no! Tori Spelling didn't. She couldn't. She has a look on her face like, "Ehehehehe! I gots myself another midnight snack!" It was only a matter of time before knocked up Tori would devour poor Mimi La Rue after she found out the twinkie cabinet was empty. Mimi is probably chilling in Tori's belly with baby. They are hatching a plan to get out of there.

Here's Tori with some poor poochie signing copies of her book at Book Soup in West Hollywood yesterday. I want to read this shit! I just want to see if she talks shit on Shannen Doherty, so I can have yet another reason to despise her. Somebody send me their copy after they are done using it as toilet paper. It's ok, I'll just wipe the shit to the side. The smell of shit is an appropriate scent to go with that book.

Sarah Jessica Parker is one of those chicks that claims she eats everything in sight all day and all night. Uh...huh...and follows it up by eating a big plate of laxatives. At the premiere for "Smart People" last night, SJP said, "I eat everything. I'm just an eater. If it's free, I honestly eat everything." I wonder if she eats her husband's asshole, because you know he's into that gay shit.

When asked what she's eaten recently, she said, "Last night I had steak and some lamb shank. And I had some roasted chicken and some cassoulet and some profiteroles and some ice cream and some cheesecake." And what did she have on Monday? "I had two different tarts from Once Upon a Tart [in SoHo] and toast and a banana and a cup of coffee and a bagel with cream cheese. And a glass of fresh orange juice."

And how does she keep her pony frame so skinny? "It's predisposition probably." Is think that's pony talk for, "I shit it all out."

Here's SJP with her gay husband, Ellen Page and Dennis Quad. Matthew Broderick is looking more and more like a professional toe-tapper. I'm not talking about the kind of toe-tapping you do on stage either.

Phoebe Price was outside Mr. Chow last night, waiting to go in for her night shift as coat check girl. NO! She was dining there like everybody else. The ever-gracious PP spoke to the paparazzi for a little bit and seemed really annoyed that people are giving her a hard time on where she pumps her gas. The hell? You see, PP lives in West Hollywood, so she's going to pump her gas in Beverly Hills or West Hollywood and not Tarzana. You got that? Bizarre. Here's some other topics PP covered with the paps:

She's shooting Shark and has to be on the Fox lot at 7am

She doesn't know where Tarzana is

She's wearing Chanel vintage

She would consider doing Dancing with the Stars

She's getting ready for Cannes, so she is brushing up on her languages

Somebody please put this woman on Dancing with the Stars! PLEASE! When PP says, "she'll consider it," she really means, "FUCK YES!" Oh how I love PP. She makes my curly hair go straight.

The video below from Hollywood Bubble is a must see!

UPDATE: And here's a second video of PP getting pushed out of the way for Scary Spice!

No, that's not Mayim Bialik and yes, it's an old ass picture. It's from the premiere of what is probably Jennifer Aniston's greatest work to date, Leprechaun. Who knew Aniston would go from starring alongside killer trolls to owning Hollywood. Okay, not really owning Hollywood. Aniston has started her own production company with Kristin Hahn. Kristin used to work at Plan B, the production company she shared with Brad Pitt. Jen's new production company has already lined up several projects in which she will star in. Jen has called her company, Echo. She explains where the name came from:

"We're drawn to stories about people finding their voice and finding their way because they help us ... [make] sense of our lives through the stories of others. That's why we chose the name Echo, to echo back an idea, a challenge, something that resonates through all of us."

That's funny, because an echo is all she hears when she comes home to an empty house. I'm guessing AngelinaHasADirtyVagina Productions was taken. Sorry kitten, I beat you to it!

It's been real, but my week-long love affair with Shayne Lamas has come to an end. How can I even look at her in the eye....on the TV screen...anymore? Last night, she committed an unforgivable sin. Unforgivable I tell you! Shayne finally got her one-on-one date with Matt. They went to taste rotten grapes and Matt again pressured Shayne on who her famous daddy was. I don't know why Shayne hasn't told him before? She's either embarrassed or she's trying to get him hard with anticipation.

So this is when my heart stopped. Shayne said, "My father's name is Lorenzo Lamas. He was on this show called Renegade." Rene-what? Rene-who? Rene-NO! How can you not mention Lorenzo Lamas' name without mentioning his excellent work in the epic known as "Falcon Crest." The dude's name was Lance CUMSON! If that isn't hot, I don't know what is. Lorenzo should have his birth certificate permanently changed to Falcon Crest's Lorenzo Lamas. I mean, it just makes sense!

Not only that, but Shayne coos and purrs way too much for me. Everything is, "Oooooooh Matt." Bitch please. Shayne can make it up to me by making to hometown dates and getting Shauna Sand to make a cameo. This is the only way Shayne can fix this. It's not going to happen. Shayne and her 10,000 pairs of pirate boots are going to go home any day now.

The rest of the episode was spent with the other girls hating on Robin. Every season there's a girl like Robin. The girl that is probably the bitchiest ho in the office back home with the haircut from Master Cuts and the wardrobe from Talbots. A she-devil in Sam & Libby pumps. In the clip below, Robin is going on and on about something, who cares really? This sends Amanda into "meep" overload. I kept waiting for Beaker from The Muppets to pop up on the screen.

Into the depths of Hell - Hollywood Tuna

Mena Suvari still has Hillary Clinton hair, but at least she has a nice ass - IDLYITW

George Clooney and Chris Crocker on Marie Claire - Popsugar

Rihanna's nip almost slips - Egotastic!

Morticia Jolie braves the daylight - Just Jared

The Kardashians teach sex ed to their little sister (site NSFW) - Drunken Stepfather

Britney Spears creeping out of the woods - Hollywood Rag

Maria Menounos is a good workout - Hollywood Tuna

The day Celine Dion inhaled - Cityrag

Adam Sandler's broken ankle blues - A Socialite's Life

It's 60 degrees and shitty here in NYC and it looks like it's about 80 and fucking gorgeous in Hawaii. Yeah, but the milk is still $10. Although, that might be an urban legend.

The Jack is still in Hawaii where he's body surfing, tanning his moobs and chatting up the ladies. I'm sure he's getting lucky night and day. The horny tourists are probably eating him up. They better be using rubbers. Jack is virile! He has like 7 kids or some shit. I went to Hawaii and all I got was Jack Nicholson's baby.

17-year-old Chloe Marshall will be the first size 16 beauty queen to compete in Miss England. Chloe showed off the bikini she will wear for the pageant in July in the new Hello Magazine (via Daily Mail).

Chloe told the magazine that she's completely comfortable going out onstage wearing practically nothing, "It's what I was born to do – posing for the camera. And as I keep saying, I love my body. People seem desperate to get me to say that I don't, that deep down I'm not happy and would rather be thin, but the fact is I wouldn't change myself at all. Do I have fat days? Of course, but what woman doesn't!" Isn't every day a fat day for Chloe? Just saying!

She said that most of the public's response has been positive, but she has heard some people say that she's promoting obesity. She said, "I'm a size 16, I eat well, I exercise regularly – I jog, swim, and work out with weights. What I am promoting is a healthy girl who looks after herself and doesn't try to force her body to be something its not."

She is one brave bitch. I wish this kind of shit would happen here. Hell, half of the women in America look like that! It doesn't make sense that our beauty pageants our filled with tanorexic, bleached blonde dimwits! Chloe for Miss England!

I was scanning the comments on the Daily Mail to see how many people were going to call her a fat slob (basically everyone), but this comment jumped out at me.

"who wears a tiara in the swimming pool, anyway?"

Ha! Couldn't have put it better myself.