Night Crumbs

March 28, 2019 / Posted by:

If you guessed “4 days” on your “How long will Nicolas Cage’s latest marriage last?”, then congratulations, not only are you really fucking optimistic, but you nailed it! Nic filed papers to annul his marriage to his face-shifting fourth wife Erika Koike. This is making me prolapse out of shock, because when I saw that video of him drunkenly calling her a gold digger while applying for a marriage license, I definitely thought that I witnessing the true definition of everlasting love. And I don’t know what Erika Koike Cage gets for being married to Nicolas Cage for a millisecond, but she at least deserves one of his raptor’s skulls for humping on him for three years. Okay, a raptor’s skull and King Tut’s cock ring – Just Jared

BREAKING: Katie Holmes is still suffering from stage 4 dickmatization – Lainey Gossip

I am all for a Macbeth movie starring Denzel Washington and Frances McDormand, and mostly because she’ll probably get a zillion nominations and I can’t wait to watch her not give a fuck during awards season again – Pajiba

Lucy Hale is giving you Blair Waldorf as Little Red Riding Hood – Popoholic

This is awful in every way, but I have “gang bang now, waiting on all 4’s with my ass lubed” in my Grindr profile and not one dude shows up, let alone a thousand! – Towleroad

How can this be considered a Florida photo shoot when it’s not in a Walmart and nobody’s smoking meth!? – Drunken Stepfather

This is a headline – The Blemish

Um, Kate Beckinsale should be arrested for basically implying that Pete Davidson is more famous than Michael Sheen was when she was with him! – Celebitchy

Pic: Backgrid

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