Night Crumbs

Since interviews are for Z-list nobodies, Taylor Swift didn’t do one for ELLE UK and instead burped up a pretentious essay about music. Never mind the Beyonce-ness of it all, I love that mess of a cover and only because she looks like a glam rock scarecrow in a look for less Big Bird outfit made by Tommy Lenk using coffee filters and paper Easter decorations – Lainey Gossip

My only takeaway from this boring Dark Phoenix trailer is that Mystique and Halsey have the same hair now – Pajiba

Hmmm… I don’t see any nip, and probably because I went temporarily blind from those 90s turd sunglasses that Gigi Hadid is wearing – Drunken Stepfather

The look IS Christina Hendricks looking like an Italian widow at her dead rich husband’s will reading – Popoholic

This Cottonelle commercial is cute and all, but why do I have to wipe my ass especially when meeting my boyfriend’s parents? Is that because they’re gonna greet me with a rim job? Works for me! – Towleroad

Even Miley Cyrus’ tongue is screaming at Bella Thorne’s tongue like, “Put it away already!” – Hollywood Tuna

The Check Into Cash locations around Tori Spelling’s house better prepare themselves for her to come in looking to borrow $200,000 – Celebitchy

Some lucky kid gets to call Meryl Streep “grandma” now – Just Jared

This is where we are in America: Gladys Knight came in third place behind Donny Osmond and T-Pain in a SINGING contest – Jezebel

Pic: Quentin Jones/ELLE UK