HBO Is Done With Delivering Quality Programming

The two peroxide roses on the left are Sunset Thomas and Air Force Amy, the stars of one of my favorite HBO shows Cathouse, which followed the hookers of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch, a legal brothel in Nevada. Cathouse only got 2 seasons (and some specials) and has long been over, but its Emmy-winning (don’t fact check me on that) brilliance lived on through HBO and its streaming services until now.

I guess HBO figures that their subscribers care more about low-quality and low-budget boring shit like Game of Thrones, Westworld, Big Little Lies, and Veep, because they are ridding their channels and subscriptions of pay cable masterpieces like Cathouse, Real Sex, and Taxicab Confessions. HBO announced that they’re slowly removing the fun from their channel by erasing all “adult-programming.”

Deadline says HBO’s reason is because nobody’s watching their adult stuff since they can get it other places.

“Over the past several years HBO has been winding down its late-night adult fare. While we’re greatly ramping up our other original program offerings, there hasn’t been a strong demand for this kind of adult programming, perhaps because it’s easily available elsewhere.”

HBO also wants you to think that this move has nothing to do with its new parent company, AT&T, trying to class it up.

We weren’t rich, so we didn’t have HBO growing up, but my sister’s friend did and I’d scandalize my brain by ingesting as many episodes of Real Sex and Taxicab Confessions as I could while her parents were asleep. I watched an episode of Real Sex about swingers not too long ago and I learned that swingers from the early-90s dress and do their hair exactly like swingers of today. Where else could I learn valuable information like that? So fuck HBO for pulling highly educational programming from their channel, which is totally unwatchable now.

First Skinemax, now this?! Where are people going to get their soft-core porn fix now?! Well, I guess there’s always Starz, Twitter, and millions of sites on the internet. And if you’re missing Taxicab Confessions and want to see a drunken mess cry to someone sober about how they can’t get dick, you can watch me perform Lyft Confessions Live on any given Friday night.

Pic: HBO