Because HBO is making us wait 900 years for the final season of Game Of Thrones, they’re releasing the other shows they make you wait 900 years between seasons. One of them is Westworld! If you’ve been sobbing since 2016 while looking for a robot Annie Oakley uprising, dry ‘dem tears. The second season is coming in just a few weeks. And HBO released the full first trailer today.
Dolores, played by Evan Rachel Wood, flops between looks of innocence and those of the madam leading potential customers into a back-room at a Berlin brothel. They also splice shots of her robotic couture with those of her galloping into town on a horse to fire off a few rounds at mortals. Maeve, played by Thandie Newton, is still splitting time between looking for her daughter and eye-fucking the dude who Laura Linney never got to bang in Love Actually. Somehow, Maeve’s pursuit of either (both?) leads her to dressing up like an off-duty geisha, so Vanity Fair seems to think this means they’re taking us to Samurai World.
Ed Harris (known as The Man in Black on the show) and younger Ed Harris (known as Jimmi Simpson on IMDb) seem to be as angsty as they were when we last left them. But I guess Ed (SPOILER ALERT) survived the oncoming robot shooters from the last episode? Anywho, young Ed is spotted snoozing in an orgy while Dolores gets up to tiptoe out. I don’t know what this means, but my guess it means young Ed will go from being the innocent cute boy next door who occasionally likes to stick it in a robot to being the maniac who likes to scalp said robot.
As for Bernard, played by Jeffrey Wright, he’s somehow still kicking it. An explanation for that could be that there’s a freezer full of Bernards to replace the operational one, should it droop off. Bernard closes the trailer by saying Dolores frightens him, but what really frightens me in this whole ordeal is if they go to Samurai World. Are they just going to run into Gwen Stefani and the Harajuku Girls and then game over? Was that the secret to this game all along – cultural appropriation in the form of ska pop???
Here’s the full trailer: