Anthropomorphized shit stain Kid Rock is maybe running for U.S. Senate in his home state of Michigan, because why not, the promised idiocracy is already here. Hot on the heels of the news that the nation’s preferred Rock, The Rock, is planning a 2020 presidential run, the lesser Rock, Kid, posted this to Twitter:
— Kid Rock (@KidRock) July 12, 2017
He then tweeted “Stay tuned, I will have a major announcement in the near future.”
I know this is a foolish fancy, but maybe, just maybe, this is all a ruse. And instead of formally announcing his candidacy, he’s actually going to reveal that he’s been hiding The Insane Clown Posse’s glass dildo up his butt since 2014. A girl can dream, can’t she?
Back in February, Michigan Tea Party representative Wes Nakagiri told the Detroit Free Press that Donald Trump supporter Kid Rock “has name I.D., is an out-of-the-box idea, and would kind of get rid of that stodgy Republican image.” CNN also quotes him as saying Trump’s candidacy could be “a template.” “I’ll bet you he would generate as much excitement as Trump did.” Oh, February, it was such an innocent, simpler time. *sigh*
On his website, Kid Rock for Senate, there are t-shirts you can “buy now” and a nice picture of Kid sitting in a comfy chair having just lost a staring contest with a deer (maybe he should have taken his sunglasses off for it, idunno). There are some sports trophies in a case behind him, so you know he’s a real American. What you won’t find, however, is any background information about the candidate himself, his political views, his relevant work experience, or his action plan for the great state of Michigan.
But he’s got some slogans, so that’s a start! Many are party themed. Some are: “Party for the People”, “Welcome to the Party” and “I’ll Rock the Party”. Get it!? Like, not a boring political party, but like a bewbs and beer party, like people gon’ party, y’all! Ready for another one? “In Rock We Trust” because fuck God, right? Kid Rock is your God now; deal with it. My favorite one though has got to be “Pimp of The Nation.” I hate to be the bearer of bad news, and I especially hate to disappoint Kid Rock, but pimps are bad guys. Like really, shitty, manipulative people who wage psychological and emotional warfare on their subjects to for their own personal gain. We already have several of those in the White House, thank you very much. I don’t think Michiganders really need their own. So, maybe I was wrong before. Maybe his political platform is already up there on his website.
Hopefully this is just a cash and publicity grab. When he was stumping for Trump he had these demure items for sale.
— Kid Rock (@KidRock) June 20, 2017
If not, may Rock bless and keep safe these United States of America.