Who Is June’s Hot Slut Of The Month? 

July 11, 2017 / Posted by:

I am taking a break from planning my Thelma and Louise-like road trip with my sister (but instead of killing rapists and fucking early-90s Brad Pitt I’ll be guzzling down canned wine while playing travel Scrabble with her in a room at a Super 8) to ask you to vote in Dlisted’s sixth Hot Slut of the Month pageant of the year. We’re over halfway through with 2017, and that’s crazy, but I guess it’s true what they say: time flies when you’re snorting whole Xanax pills, mainlining red wine and soothing your nerves by playing with your fidget spinner butt plug after watching the news or reading twitter. But before the world completely burns down, let’s crown June’s HSOTM, because I will curse everything and everyone if my laptop gets nuked before I can announce June’s HSOTM champion.

This month, we’ve got a past beauty icon, a future beauty icon (or “Bernie Would’ve Won Ken” as some call him) and two current beauty icons. As always, the first three got the most Facebook likes for the month and the fourth one was picked by me. Your choices are:

Clairol True-To-Light Makeup Mirror, the important beauty tool that showed you how your makeup would look while walking into your rival’s office building (daytime lighting), and while bursting into the board room to announce that you now own 51% of your rival’s company (office lighting), and while boning your rival’s husband later that night (nighttime lighting).

Man Bun Ken, the hipster in the new line of Mattel’s diversified Ken dolls who definitely wears jorts to the beach on purpose and who asks you to buy him the most expensive IPA at the bar, because he’s broke, but yet buys the VIP pass for Coachella every year.

Nikos Giannopoulos, the Rhode Island teacher of the year who brought some much needed lace-covered gay sass to a White House that didn’t acknowledge Pride Month.

Sarah Dunne, the young Delta Burke-looking nightingale of perfection who yodels out auto-tuned lyrics about clit flicking and her sugar tits.

Voting is below! June’s winning HSOTM will be named on Monday…. unless my sister and I get into a really wild and loud game of Scrabble at a Super 8 and get arrested for disturbing the peace.


Pics: eBay, Mattel, Facebook, YouTube

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