You laugh, but let’s face it: I can’t think of a better person to discuss the ins and outs of anal than someone who appears to permanently have a stick up their ass. Goop’s second annual Sex Issue was released today. Gwyneth Paltrow must have been listening when everyone read last year’s issue and muttered “I’ll tell you where you can stick that $15,000 dildo“, because this year she’s talking anal, the hetero kind.
Goop interviewed a psychoanalyst named Paul Joannides for a piece called Reality Check: Anal Sex, the purpose of which is to educate about anal. Here are just a few of Goop’s tips:
– Practice teaching your sphincter muscles to relax
– Use lots of lube
– Don’t have anal while drunk or stoned
– If the dick hurts, use a lubed-up finger
Good luck with Step #1, Gwyneth. The second Tracy Anderson hears that one of your muscle groups have gone soft, she’s going to throw a fit.
Goop also asks Paul about enemas and what people should be teaching their kids about anal. He says there are more-important conversations to have, like talking about masturbation and exploring while learning. As for the enema thing, Paul is on the fence and says it’s an either/or situation. Tsk tsk tsk Paul, that is NOT the answer Gwyneth wants to hear. You’re supposed to say yes, everyone should pregame with an enema. Specifically Gwyneth’s personal favorite, a $130 Danish-made ecologically sustainable rubber enema bulb and $98 bottle of organic Hawaiian onyx salt solution.