Shaq Thinks The Earth Is Flat

March 20, 2017 / Posted by:

Just like Sherri Shepherd, Tila Tequila, and rapper B.o.B., living meme Shaquille O’Neal has officially come out as a person who desperately needs to crack a damn book. Shaq believes the Earth is flatter than his acting in Kazaam.

Esquire points to a recent discussion Shaq had with his co-host John Kincade on their podcast, The Big Podcast with Shaq, in which he defended flat Earth comments made last month by Cleveland Cavaliers point guard Kyrie Irving. Shaq is absolutely sure that the Earth is flat. Shaq’s explanation leads me to believe that Shaq might have taken too many balls to the skull during his NBA career.

“It’s true. The Earth is flat. There’s three ways to manipulate the mind: what you read, what you see, and what you hear. In school, first thing they teach us, ‘Oh, Columbus discovered America.’ But when he got there, it was some fair-skinned people with the long hair smoking on the peace pipes. SO WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU? Columbus didn’t discover America! So listen, I drive from coast to coast, and the shit looks flat to me. I do not go up and down on a 360 degree angle, and all that stuff about gravity.

Have you looked outside of Atlanta lately and seen all these buildings? So you mean to tell me that China is under us? The world is flat….Satellite imagery? That could be drawn and made up.”

Obviously the Earth is round, but I really want to hear more of Shaq’s bonkers flat-Earth theory.

Okay, so. The Earth is like a pizza. I love pizza. On one side, you got pepperoni. That’s America. Then you got mushrooms. That’s China and stuff. I don’t care what that Neil Greasy Mike Tyson guy says, if you get too close to the crust, you will fall off. Now who wants to hear about the time I ate six pizzas?

Pic: Wenn.com

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