Hot Slut Of The Day!

January 17, 2017 / Posted by:

Alexis, the heroic contestant from The Bachelor who kept it all-the-way real on last night’s episode.

I haven’t watched The Bachelor for a few seasons because I realized that if I want to watch an annoying drunk mess cry about their stupid life while wearing an ugly dress borrowed from Rent The Runway, I’d just look in the mirror at the end of the night. (And yes, I just admitted that I wear a dress from Rent The Runway to bed.) But reader Angela showed me the brilliance I’ve been missing when she sent me a screen shot of the genteel blossom who pretty much quoted the great poet Ludacris on last night’s episode.

Alexis is the attention whore mess (but in her defense, that show is the battle of attention whore messes) and “aspiring dolphin trainer” who wore what she kept saying was a dolphin costume on the first episode. It was clearly a shark costume. Yeah, so if her dolphin trainer dreams ever come true, trick is going to be in for a real bloody ass surprise when she tries to get a “dolphin” to twirl for her. But before a “dolphin” bites off her arm during training, Alexis used it to push the other bitches out of the way during last night’s rose ceremony.

When Nick Viall, the pile of uncooked oats with a six-pack who is currently playing the role of The Bachelor, called Alexis’ name, she parted the sea of bitches by saying the magic words:Move, bitches. I’m comin’ through.” Not all heroes wear capes, some wear dresses from Bebe.

alexismovebitches

And just like that, Dolphin Shark Chick summed up The Bachelor with just two simple and poetic words.

Pic: @TTimewithTianna, GIF: Consequence of Sound

 

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