And In “Yep, The End Is Decidedly Here” News…

December 18, 2016 / Posted by:

You might want to have a stiff drink and a puppy on hand to cuddle with after reading this one. Our President-elect Donald Trump’s alleged favorite country (it’s obviously not the US) will play host to a reality show that will allow for rape and murder. It will film in Siberia (near Sarah Palin’s house) and is a Hunger Games-type deal that will let the contestants RAPE and MURDER one another if they so choose. Viewers will be able to donate gifts to their favorite participants! “Vot bol’shoy nozh, chtoby ispol’zovat ‘dlya unichtozheniya vsekh.” Oh, and I volunteer as tribute to leave this planet.

The BBC reports that the show will shoot for nine months in Siberia, and that “anything goes.

Producers say that anything goes, including rape and murder, although they warn people taking part that they’re still subject to the rule of law and can be arrested at any time.

“You must understand that the police will come and take you away. We are on the territory of Russia, and obey the laws of the Russian Federation.”

Well, that last part should give us all some comfort. At least there will be prosecution if contestants decide to RAPE and MURDER each other. Is this that fake news thing? Did someone hack the BBC? Can someone pry Prince Harry out of that basic cable coochie and have him ask for us?

The 20 male and female participants taking part in Game2: Winter can carry knives but aren’t allowed guns.
The contestants will have to survive from 1 July 2017 until 1 April 2018 in temperatures which can fall to -40C (-40F).

Well, at least they’ll be blocks of ice which will make it a lot harder to RAPE and MURDER each other. What the fuck happened in Game1: Fall? Theft and beatings? The contestants have been given training by Russia’s version of the CIA mixed with the Navy Seals.

The men and women on the show have been given special survival training by former GRU Spetsnaz operatives, who used to work under Russia’s military intelligence service.

Our CIA is busy trying to figure out how THEIR country installed the malware on Hillary Clinton’s computer and THEIR CIA is training citizens on how to END EACH OTHER for reality television. Not to sound too jingoistic, but our country looks a little nicer. Did I already mention that I’m available to colonize the moon as soon as possible?

Contestants have to pay the US equivalent of $160,000 to participate or be voted in by viewers. So you’ve got to have some bucks to be on “Survivor: Rape and Murder.” Luckily, “if they’re in trouble or want to leave the show, they can hit a panic button on a satellite phone and be rescued.” That’s some comfort, I guess. My favorite part?

Anyone who wants to take part has to be over 18 and “sane”.

Apparently, that isn’t a requirement for PRODUCING this effed-up show.

In what might be considered hopeful in relation to this story, Snopes (don’t judge us, we were grasping for anything that might lead us to believe that this isn’t as barbaric as it sounds) stresses that the show’s creators sound like they’re not just going to let horrific times ensue.

Readers who spotted the article floating around on social media often missed a less visible, slightly contradictory sub-heading that said:

Contestants sign waiver acknowledging they may not survive nine-month Siberian wilderness challenge, and if crimes are committed, [contestants] will be arrested[.]

Um, great? *still cringing* Snopes also pointed out my new favorite detail of this story.

The official ad for the show says “Each contestant gives consent that they could be maimed, even killed. 2000 cameras, 900 hectares and 30 lives.”

The rules say “Everything is allowed. Fighting, alcohol, murder, rape, smoking, anything.”

Smoking on par with rape and murder! They must have some aggressive anti-smoking campaigns over in Russia if smoking is seen as that big of a transgression.

Pic: Game 2: Winter

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