Last night at the Atlanta Hawks basketball game, rapper Gucci Mane proposed the dignified and sacred contract of marriage to his “longtime” piece, Keyshia Ka’oir. I’m sure you can already tell that it went down exactly like it does in every fairy tale ever.
There they were, enjoying “Gucci Mane Night” at the Hawks game, dressed in their finest (a GUWOP-emblazoned jersey for him, Kool-Aid pink pube fur for her), when the Kiss Cam rolled around. They looked deep into each others’ eyes and smiled lovingly as the announcer ushered them on. “KISS CAM! KISS CAAAAAM!” he wailed. Gucci stood up and presented his ring like a man reluctantly showing a very short person something on his phone. “WHAT’S GOING ON? IS THIS A PROPOSAL?” That’s when the air horns kick into high gear. Who needs singing woodland creatures to string up flowers and bows when you can embrace true love while a dude sweating in a hawk mascot outfit hovers over you.
The grown man screaming during this picture-perfect moment keeps asking Keyshia if she’s going to say yes, but dude, open your fucking eyes. Are you seeing that ring?? Are you able to see anything other than that ring?? It’s 25 carats! TMZ shared a video of the rock, so if you want to watch 37 seconds of silent, distilled Liberace opulence, go nuts. Personally, jewels don’t give me a case of the Lohan Shakes like they do for some. But then again, most people can be in the same room as a Brown Sugar & Cinnamon Pop-Tart and not lose all their self-control.
By the way, the Hawks ended up losing the game last night, but I’m sure that’s not a bad omen. I defy anyone to look at that couple and see anything other than a true and everlasting love.