Open Post: Hosted By A Topless Wakeboarding Chelsea Handler

July 4, 2015 / Posted by:

In honor of Independence Day, topless titty crusader Chelsea Handler decided to celebrate America’s freedom by strapping her feet into a wakeboard and cruising around a lake with her bald eagle eggs bouncing in the wind. Oh, who am I kidding – it doesn’t really matter what day it is, she would have done that anyway. I’m sure she has the same plan for Arbor Day, Susan B. Anthony Day, and National Grilled Cheese Day. America’s fun drunk aunt threw up a video of herself engaging in some water sports earlier today to Instagram with the following caption:

To celebrate Independence Day, I give you my piece de resistance. Land of the free, home of the me.

Of course, it has since been yanked down by Instragam’s titty police. But that didn’t stop her from posting it to Twitter. “Keep fighting the good fight!” hollered fellow social media nipple freedom fighter Chrissy Teigen. I’ve hidden the video after the jump for obvious reasons (ie. tons of titty).

The Boat Safety Sam in me is side-eyeing Chelsea for not wearing a life jacket while wakeboarding, but I’m sure there was no risk of drowning. The air from all the sparkling wine in her stomach was probably enough to keep her afloat till that boat circled back and picked her up.

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