I don’t even know why the Kentucky Derby went on. They should’ve canceled that shit and sent all the horses home as soon as Johnny Weir sashayed onto the red carpet looking like this, because he clearly won the night. Johnny made b-hole lips pucker themselves into a frenzy when he showed up to that Derby shit on Friday night in rich old man pajamas from the 1920s, Liberace’s favorite newspaper-picking-up slippers and a flower mohawk hat that looks like a rose bush after a drunk bitch dropped their cocktail in it while stumbling out of the party.
Part of me thinks that the Crystal Enchantress of the Ice didn’t specifically wear this ensemble for the Kentucky Derby. It’s kind of butch and low-key for him. I don’t see one piece of sequins or a feather or a lace ruffle. This is like Casual Friday Johnny Weir. I bet he was at the grocery store when he got the call to get on a plane to Kentucky because the Derby desperately needed a huge injection of his glittery brand of glamour. Johnny Wear at his most casual is still a million times more glamorous that any average ho at their most glamorous. And I wonder how many drunk tricks he had to knee because they kept trying to drink his hat?
And here’s the parade of bright shining A-list stars at the Kentucky Derby. Anna Nicole’s daughter was there to remind us all that we’re really, really old.