Night Crumbs

People are oooh-ing and aaaaah-ing and shit over Tom Cruise strapped to a plane going 250mph while shooting the latest Mission Impossible movie. But I don’t think Tommy Girl is strapped to that plane. I think that plane is strapped to Tommy Girl as he flies high up in the sky. Yes, his Scientology bridge queen powers are that strong – Pajiba

Eva Mendes was papped for the first time since giving birth to Ryan Gosling’s baby and I know I’m supposed to say how hot she looks for just popping out a kid, but how can I say that when she’s got those semi-chunky highlights circa 1997 in her hair? – Lainey Gossip

Not The Mama June isn’t getting her paycheck from TLC, Uncle Poodle may file for custody of Honey Boo Boo and Sugar Bear collapsed at the house. Meanwhile, TLC executives are probably punching themselves in the face for pulling the cameras as fast as they did – Reality Tea

Going SANS FARDS for a movie was a life-changing event for Jennifer Aniston. In other words, she wants the Oscar voting committee to know that not wearing foundation for a role was as challenging as the Texas T-Rex only eating air and lemon seeds for the Dallas Buyers Club – Celebitchy

Lady CaCa does 4 Non Blondes’ “What’s Up” and I say nooooo noooo nooo no no nooooooo noooooo noooo I say no – Towleroad

If you don’t hear from me later this month, it’s because I’ve FedEx’d myself to Abu Dhabi – Jezebel

Naturally, Aubrey O’Day dressed up as the slutty love child of an Avatar peacock and an Oompa Loompa for Halloween – Hollywood Tuna

Naturall, Hayden Panatroll dressed up as a knocked up Mardi Gras leopard for Halloween – Popoholic

Presenting Kate Upton’s nalgas for the zero of you who haven’t seen them – The Superficial

In “this has happened before and it will happen again” news – WWTDD

The forecast is windy with a 100% chance of reporter piss hitting your face – Boy Culture

Goopy Paltrow and Chris Martin are probably going to get back together – ICYDK

RPattz and FKA Twigs munched on cookies together and no, that’s not a euphemism – Popsugar

Christian Bale dropped out of the Steve Jobs movie. I’m sure Ashton Kutcher is available and still has his black turtleneck – HuffPo

Don’t we all, RiRi, don’t we all? – Gawker

I bet none of these awkward kisses are as awkward as Jessa Duggar and her new husband’s first kiss – The Berry

Janet Jackson went outside for the first time in 18 months or something – Just Jared