Then Batman added: “And that wig isn’t fooling anyone. We all know it’s you, Joker.”
Apropos of nothing, Bethenny Frankel’s estranged mother Bernadette Birk (who’s name sounds like the cunning social-climbing stepmother in a V.C. Andrews novel) recently spoke to Radar about her daughter, and in case you were wondering whether or not they still hate each others guts, I’ll let Bernadette’s cuntified verbal air-kisses to her daughter answer that for you. Bernadette, who hasn’t seen Bethenny in over a decade, hissed that Bethenny’s talk show was “terrible” and she stopped watching after a week because she was “bored”. She then says all the shit Bethenny talked about her in her 2011 autobiography/self-help book Place of Yes were LIES, and that Bethenny is the awful bitch, not her. Bernadette claims Bethenny used to be cool, but then she turned 16 and became a snobby snob and an arrogant bitch.
Bernadette also says (I’m totally imagining that she looks like Mrs. Vanderbilt from The Simpsons, by the way) that Bethenny is all about that fresh dick – again, something that started at 16. Apparently 16-year-old Bethenny got tired of her first serious boyfriend and cheated on his ass. According to Bernadette: “That is just how she is. She jumps from man to man.”Is it wrong that I sort of like Bethenny a little more now that I know she’s a shameless rod-hound? You do you, girl! Get your hump on!
Naturally, Bernadette also has thoughts about Bethenny’s failed marriage to Jason Hoppy. Bernadette truly is that kind of mother:
“I always said that Bethenny and Jason would divorce after two years. I just knew that as soon as that child was in day care he was gone. She was really nasty to him on the show.”
“On the show“?? Wait, let me get this straight: Bernadette thinks her daughter is a stupid boring slut who she hasn’t seen in over 10 years, and yet she watched Bethenny Ever After?? I think that’s the definition of hate-watching! Thankfully she doesn’t have to be stuck with re-runs of Bethenny Getting Married, because Bravo says Bethenny is returning to television once again for the 7th season of The Real Housewives of New York. Did you hear that sound? It was Bernadette whipping out her fanciest stationery to write Bravo a personalized Thank You note.
The Joker will return to Real Housewives of Gotham City, because getting divorced costs money and a check is a check. NO! Bethenny tells People she’s returning to reality TV because she felt “very constricted and very handled” on her talk show, and being on RHONY lets her keep it real, aka she gets to be the messy dramatic attention-whore she was meant to be. It’s perfect! I eagerly await the moment when a crazy ho in a tight purple satin dress to get up in her face so I can watch those bulgy eyes bug out of her skull and she screams at them to “Go to sleep! GO TO SLEEP!“