“Britney honey, use your fingers to show us how many times you were told to put down the scissors and let the stylist cut your hair.”
Since Britney Spears is now a classy high-powered underwear mogul who is trying to appeal to an upscale clientele like Duchess Kate and Chester Cheetah’s wife (I’m sure he has one and I’m sure she’s a glamorous gold-digging Cheeto-chomping orange goddess who has a taste for the finer things in life), she went ahead and decided that if she wanted to look the part of a successful panty-hustling career woman, she’d have to ditch the cut-off denim booty scooties and Old Navy 3-for-$12 ribbed tanks and slip into a white 80s power bitch business suit and cut out her ratty hair extensions. Unfortunately, Brit Brit doesn’t have the hair texture for the pinnacle of 80s power bitch business hair, aka 6 figures, 6 inches of height, which leaves her with the classic leave-room-for-the-shoulder-pads bob.
Real truth, I think Brit Brit looks so classy and sophisticated. She looks like the lady who supervises the lady who gives you a complimentary makeover at Macy’s, or a very successful Yorkiepoo breeder, or the owner of a fancy candle store, or a former Miss America. This is fancy Britney, y’all! Forget trying to sell underwear to royalty; she should be aiming higher, like aspiring Real Housewives or professional hand models. Don’t sell yourself short, Britney!
And is this the first time since The Shavening that Britney has had all her real hair? No, you’re right – there’s probably still a tiny track tucked in there somewhere for good luck. A Brit Brit without polyester hair is like a day without sunshine.
Here’s more of Jean Spears (that white suit screams Jean) showing off her new ‘do while pimping out her panties in Germany.