As expected, HBO announced that Colin Farrell, the dirty piece we’d all hit even though his man chowder is probably the consistency of chunky nose snot, will play a detective in the second season of True Detective. HBO also made the entire Internet do the slow wall slide of NOOOOOOOO by announcing that Vince Vaughn and his fried puffed potato face will also star. Vince Vaughn is a perfect casting decision, because the answers to all of life’s greatest mysteries cling to the hairy branches of the weeping willow hanging out of his nose.
Deadline says that HBO also announced that Justin Lin (he directed a few of those Fast & Furious movies) will direct the first 2 episodes which start shooting in L.A. this fall. HBO also queefed up this riveting and highly detailed plot synopsis:
“Three police officers and a career criminal must navigate a web of conspiracy in the aftermath of a murder.”
Colin will play, Ray Velcoro, one of the three cops who’s torn between a corrupt police department and the mobster who owns his ass. Vince Vaughn will play career criminal, Frank Semyon (I’m going to pronounce that SEMEN, FYI), who’s afraid of losing his empire when his move into legitimate business is ruined by the murder of a business partner. Deadline says that Taylor Kitsch is pretty much set for one of the other cop roles and the other cop role, a chick, is still being cast.
Last Thursday, Rosario Dawson, Jessica Biel (WHY?!!!!), Abigail Spencer, Malin Akerman, Oona Chaplin, Jaimie Alexander and Brit Marling all read for the female lead in front of series creator Nic Pizzolatto. Keira Knightley is also being considered for a role, apparently.
The first season of True Detective starred Woody the Bartender from Cheers and the star of Ghosts of Girlfriends Past and everyone had their tongues stuck to that show’s b-hole, so maybe Vince Vaughn will surprise everyone! Just to be safe, the director should make Vince Vaughn shoot every scene while eating an ice cream, because Vince Vaughn sucking off an ice cream is non-stop entertainment.
And judging by the casting so far, I’m guessing that True Detective season 3 will star Kevin James, Hooch from Turner & Hooch and legendary crime solvers Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. I wish.