Marnie From Girls Will Sing And Fly As NBC’s Peter Pan

July 30, 2014 / Posted by:

NBC is following up their casting of a soulless, bland American Girl Doll who can sing as Maria Von Trapp by casting a soulless, bland American Girl Doll who can sing as Peter Pan! I can’t wait until this time next year when NBC announces that Lana Del Ambien will be Mama Rose in Gypsy Live! 

Brian Williams must have some serious embarrassing shit on the head of NBC (examples: pictures of him spit-roasting the NBC Peacock with Matt Lauer, audio of him sloppily and loudly sucking off Jay Leno’s chin during the late night wars… ), because NBC announced today that his daughter will play the title role in Peter Pan Live! opposite Christopher Walken as Captain Hook this December. The second star to the right shines thanks to her daddy’s influence!

A grown woman playing Peter Pan in the Peter Pan musical isn’t weird since a grown woman usually plays Peter Pan in that shit (see: Mary, Martin, Cathy Rigby and Sandy Duncan). But it’s really weird that Marnie from Girls is playing Peter Pan. There are so many grown women who can perfectly play a young boy, like Pink and Justin Bieber, and NBC goes with Allison Williams? NBC should go full foolery and fill the Peter Pan Live! cast with hos from Girls. Adam Is Tiger Lily! Shosh IS Wendy! Lena Dunham IS Smee! Hate aside, I’m actually into this casting, because Allison Williams’ Peter Pan wig alone is going to be the fuel that feeds this future train wreck. I can’t wait!

Allison told The Wrap that playing Peter Pan is a dream she’s had since birth, practically:

“I have wanted to play Peter Pan since I was about three years old, so this is a dream come true. It’s such an honor to be a part of this adventure, and I’m very excited to get to work with this extraordinarily talented team. And besides, what could go wrong in a live televised production with simultaneous flying, sword fighting and singing?”

First of all, she’s lying. We all know that Allison’s main dream when she was three was to marry a Disney prince, live in a kingdom made of cotton candy and adopt a unicorn that poots out heart-shaped glitter cookies. She was THAT girl (and I was THAT boy, because that was my dream too and yes, it still is). Second of all, actors saying “I’ve had this dream since I was 3” is the new “over the moon.” They always say that shit. I might’ve been impressed if she said, “While doing the backstroke in my daddy’s nutsack, I hoped that one day I’d get out of there and put on a busted wig to play Peter Pan in a TV musical.”

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