Night Crumbs
Tommy Girl wants to make fellow L. Ron Hubbard worshiper Elisabeth Moss the new Queen of Scientology by making her his fourth beard wife. Actually, Tommy is the Queen of Scientology, so she’d be the Second Queen of Scientology. Wait, John Travolta’s the Second Queen of Scientology, so she’d be the Third Queen of Scientology. And I have two words for Elisabeth Moss: Shelly Miscavige. I have another word for Elisabeth Moss: RUUUUUUUUUN! – Jezebel
My cringing ears tell me that Johnny Depp inherited Madge’s “faux European aristocrat with a stick all the way up his ass” accent – Lainey Gossip
The Norwegian teen who lived the dream by tattooing a McDonald’s receipt on his arm continued to live the dream by tattooing the tattoo shop’s receipt on his other arm. This mess really is like a reboot of Memento directed by Harmony Korine – Gawker
Um, don’t the makers of the Miley Cyrus porn parody know that they probably could’ve gotten the real Miley Cyrus? – The Superficial
Cameron Diaz does the “Ahs just talking on my invisible phone” pose on Glamour UK – Drunken Stepfather
Alexa Ray Joel swears on her old nose that her face didn’t get touched with the plastic surgeon’s scalpel again and contouring is the reason why she looks like the last place loser of a drag queen beauty pageant at a gay bar in Akron, OH – Celebitchy
Honey Maid made my heart feel things – Towleroad
The “morally corrupt” Faye Resnick may morally corrupt The Real PlasticWives of Beverly Hills again – Reality Tea
BREAKING: Kate Upton covered up her money-making chichis – Hollywood Tuna
JLo‘s hair is starting to look like a horse’s mane that was attacked with several bottles of Sun-In – Popoholic
Wu-Tang is selling only one copy of their new album and the going price is $5 million – Grantland
It’s that time again for me to scroll my mouse while pressing my tongue against the screen – The Berry
If I stayed living in Brooklyn, this Robin Williams movie would’ve been my future. Actually, this is going to be my future anyway and I can’t wait – Pajiba
Haylie Duff found a man who wants to marry her – ICYDK
British-Olympic-Diver-Ass-That-Doesn’t-Belong-To-Tom-Daley Alert! – OMG Blog
Pimp Mama Kris, who probably filmed this, wants you to see her future prized heffa’s ass – IDLYITW
Lupita Nyong’o is the new face of Lancome – Just Jared
If you had a cronut with chocolate sprinkles recently, those weren’t chocolate sprinkles – Death and Taxes