Open Post: Hosted By Goopy Paltrow’s Drawstring Jeans

December 29, 2013 / Posted by:

During this holiday break-of-sorts, I’ve eaten 3 boxes of See’s Candies (CHEWS ONLY, thankyouverymuch), a box of Godiva candies, half of a Honey Baked ham, a few cases of wine, several loaves of bread, a couple of bottles of Andre, I-don’t-know-how-many bottles of beer, a few hundred pounds of tortilla chips and a few dozen pounds of cheese (aka the amount of cheese that Gerard Butler’s dick produces on a daily basis), so those drawstring jeans are looking good to me. They are pretty damn hideous, though. When Prince Hot Ginge wants to look unfuckable, he wears those drawstring jeans. (But then again, PHG could wear a suit made out of CROCs and I still would.) But I’m sure that Goopy Paltrow traveled to Egypt, hand picked the cotton herself and got Levi Strauss’ great great grandchild to make those jeans by hand. Those jeans probably cost more than your monthly mortgage if your house cost $2 million and you put down 5% on a 15 year loan.

Here’s more of Goopy wearing the sweatpants of jeans while shopping Brentwood, CA yesterday.

Pics: Bauer Griffin

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