While some of your asses are pouring curdled spike egg nog into your ear holes to drown out the sound of your chirruns screaming their tonsils off while playing with their Christmas gifts, childless Jennifer Aniston and childless Justin Theroux are still having a childless vacation in Cabo with Jimmy Kimmel, his piece Molly, Emily Blunt and John Krasinski. We can all make fun of Aniston for being bland, basic and so damn tragic that she only flies private, because her Cabbage Patch Kids get nervous flying commercial, but bitch is living the life. When she’s not waving at the paps she called, she’s doing tequila shots off of Jimmy Kimmel’s fupa while Emily Blunt holds her hair back and she can do it without some brat screaming its tonsils off while playing with its Christmas gift. (One good thing about having Cabbage Patch Kids for kids is that they only communicate telepathically and can’t speak any words with their plastic anus mouths.)
And if you washed away that black shoe polish in Justin Theroux’s hair, took a Magic Eraser to that Land O’Lakes tattoo and burned his black jorts, he’d be a hot piece. And he can’t even laugh at her when she buckles her Cabbage Patch Kid in on her private plane, because she’s the one paying for this luxury ass Mexican vacation.