Elmo will have to start turning tricks on Sesame Street’s ho stroll to pay his legal bills, because he’s got another lawsuit to deal with. When it rains gay models accusing Elmo of statutory rape, it pours gay models accusing Elmo of statutory rape. I guess. The NYDN says that a now 29-year-old unnamed dude who’s going by the name John Doe has a filed lawsuit in Manhattan Federal Court this morning against the new Michael Jackson, Elmo.
John Doe’s lawyer John Herman said that just like Cecil Singleton, his client met Kevin Clash on a gay phone chat line in 2000 when he was 16. They talked for a couple of days before Kevin Clash invited John Doe over to his apartment to get it on. Kevin apparently told John Doe he was 30, but John Doe figured out there were way more than 30 rings around Kevin’s trunk when they met in person. They continued to bump bare nipples for a few years and John Doe realized who Kevin Clash was in 2003 when he saw “Elmo dolls, an Emmy award and photographs of Elmo with movie stars” in his apartment. John Doe started writing a book about doing illegal sex with Elmo in 2009 and his lawyer will present some of the pages to the media in a press conference today. Oh, and John Doe’s lawyer is the same dude who is representing Cecil Singleton.
Of course, TMZ got a hold of the lawsuit and in the documents, John Doe says that Kevin Clash used booze to get into his chonies. Kevin boozed John Doe up and kept him that way. Kevin and John Doe didn’t do butt sex until John Doe was 18. But when John Doe was 16, they got into some oral sex stuff and Kevin did “digital penetration of John’s anus.”
Yes, I had to look up “digital penetration.” I kept picturing Elmo sticking a robot dildo in a dude’s no-no and I don’t like that picture. “Digital” is just a fancy way of saying “fingers.” So yeah, Elmo finger fucked John Doe and John Doe has been butt burping up red fur ever since.
And if Kevin Clash’s dumb ass wins both of the lawsuits against him, I really hope Big Bird releases a white dove outside of the courthouse.